Wowza. I thought the last wedding I attended was bad, but yours takes the cake. The wedding ceremony was an hour long sermon, but thankfully the worst actual explicit content was a reference to the wife “submitting” to the husband. Which really grossed out me and my entire side of the family & friends (who are largely atheist or non-practising). And then the reception was dry, but at least did have dancing and really good food.

And also I and a few others on my side of the family snuck in hip flasks of booze, which was sorely needed to get through the painfully preachy speeches from the groomsmen. Not one sentence went by without reference to how great god is or how much they and the groom love their sku daddy. The best man’s speech in particular was about ten minutes of saying how much he and the groom loved to go for runs together and then get on their knees and pray together. No, that summary doesn’t overstate the homoerotic undertones.