I want to explain what has happened here at my apartment. My life partner and I were homeless, with his mental health in decline. He “lost” his ID right around the same time he intentionally threw out his cell phone and took impossible-to-live-with vows, such as never handling money. His father offered to invest in my educational art project to help us get inside. I thought he would improve, he would get his ID with the help of his father, and we would get him on the lease and I would start working.

Things got worse. He started manipulating me, or perhaps more accurately, I started noticing he was manipulating me. I know now he was doing it for a long time before. I have been previously abused by a cult. I am highly agreeable having comically bad judgment and poor EQ, being schizoaffective and autistic with trauma. He used these things against me. I have assaulted him many times because he provokes me and I could not get him to stop smoking weed that I was forced to buy as he would turn the apartment into a passive-aggressive warzone. He dissuaded me from seeing doctors and was instrumental in me going off my meds which made things worse.

None of this was my intention. I have damaged the walls and broken the window. I was scared to call management because he was smoking so much. Therein, he is the one that ripped the items off in the bathroom and did something to the washer/dryer while I was in the hospital. I don’t know if the dishwasher works; he’s just said it was broken. He has some aspects of Operant Defiance Disorder I have seen in someone else before; he does things out of spite and takes no responsibility.

But therein, he is the most compassionate person, to me and the cockroaches. I think he’s trying to prove he’s compassionate. Is that his mental health? I’m afraid to interfere less he start conditioning me again. I can’t apologize enough. Everything is falling apart, but he is in the hospital now, finally being seen by doctors. I’ve tried and I’ve tried to get him to see professionals and get his stuff in order and stop smoking, even calling the police and trying to get the doctors I saw to help him. I reached out to churches, being spiritual myself but knowing no one in the area as I moved here to be with him. No one has helped.

The damage to the walls, door, and refrigerator was done by me headbutting them in emotional dysregulation. I cannot control myself while he is doing things to trigger me in skillful means. He learned about things like my abandonment issues and my negligent father and it is like we have gone through modules that have evolved, similar to the cult. He controls me by harassing me in peaceful means to destabilize me and then keeps me in this state for periods, love bombing me all throughout, as a narcissistic manipulator does. I have a video that shows how he uses narcissistic triangulation to affect me, ignoring me and making me seem crazy to my neighbors as I destabilize.

I am so sorry to my neighbors for the disturbances over our time here. My mission in life is to make the world a better place with education. I teach philosophy, spirituality, and mental health skills online by playing a character to market and facilitate education to help people heal and self-actualize. While I have been sabotaged in my attempts to make sustainability with a job or otherwise, I have written approximately three books worth of my art in my time here. I am just not skilled or knowledgeable of how to best turn this into publications that will earn money.