People and their kids like to come over unannounced, and without permission, to look at my ducks like it’s the fuckin zoo or some shit.
Need some humor for this situation to ease my frustration
You’re looking at this wrong way.
Buy a gumball machine. Put on fence. Fill machine with enough feed for the day. Charge other people to feed your ducksObvious answer is to give the kids ducklings for every visit. Pressuring kids parents to stop their kids coming over without permission. Unless they want to own duck pets.
Or, the neighbourhood starts a new trend for duckling soup…
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Get some thick over sized glasses that are that transparent brown colour on the rims, grow a thin but dirty moustache, only wear faded pastel tops and short stained shorts that are 1 or 2 sizes to small, ALWAYS show your belly, make sure to be overly friendly but never blink when making eye contact, sooner or later they’ll all leave your house alone.
Nonchalantly execute the ducks in front of the kids. You’ll also be supporting your local youth therapists job security.
This made me snort with laughter, thank you :-)
“Mornin’ kids,” [twist, snap]
Put up a sign that says, “Pursuant to ordinance 347-1236, a sexual predator resides here”
CAUTION:
BIRD FLUGet you some geese
Pro tip - feed them a handful of dandelion leaves twice a day, they’ll be your best friends
I had geese once. It was awful lol
They fucking stink right enough 😂
Waterfowl are absolutely disgusting lmao.
You got a problem with Canadian geeses you got a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.
The plural of geese is “geese” old bean
My grandmom used to hang dead birds in her garden to warn others from coming to eat her berries. Maybe this works with kids too, you just need to get a dead one from somewhere first.
Build an exact replica of that area right next to the original. They’ll be confused, are they visiting the real ducks or a simulacrum of the ducks?
Warning: Kids left unattended on this lawn will be fed to dinosaurs in the name of science.
Parents and dogs will be given popcorn and adequate seating.
Make sure the place they stand has no vegetation, and is always soaked, so their shoes inevitably get muddy. When they track the mud inside their houses, their parents will flip out and tell them not to go to your property again.
Or just put a motion sensor sprinkler to spray them when they get close.
My joke answer is to directly tell them that they are not allowed to come on your lawn, to not let their kids do the same, and that it’s your property, not a zoo.
This way you’ll guarantee that your house is egged often enough that some of the eggs may not break, and some subset of those could be adopted by the ducks and hatched into baby birds that the kids also won’t be able to come look at.
Build a moat. It would certainly keep me out.
Now the ducks colonize the moat and you have two attractions. You may or may not also need a third - a drawbridge - for your own access.
Solve that problem with a portcullis. Now you have four attractions.
Woohoo, free swimming pool!
Now, a lava moat…
It wouldn’t be a clean pool though.
Yeah, everyone knows the kids pee in there.
I was thinking more like it catches leaves and dead animals.
Put up a sign that says “WARNING: rabid ducks, enter property at own risk”
Alt text.
Free range Raptor zone. Humans beware
Start handing out kazoos.
Can I non-jokingly ask why that’s such a big deal? If it’s all up in your grill I get it, or some stupid liability thing. Otherwise, there’s little enough joy in the world, what’s the harm?
My biggest thing is people getting hurt on my property. Also, I have boundaries and don’t want to be surprised by people just hanging out, especially because I have a super anxious dog.
That’s fair. Sounds like a very reasonable way to explain it to the kids’ parents, too, if you get the occasion.
I did that last night to the one person. She was cool about it. Like, I’m cool with them coming over to look at the birds, but I want warning first.
Seriously, embrace the situation. People are interested in hanging out with/near you. If you are the person who stops all the kids seeing the ducks you could end up being seen as the scrooge of the town. Then nobody will like you. If you want nobody to interact with then maybe you should live away from people.
It might seem like those kids have nothing to offer to you but their parents might. My wife makes jam for our friendly neighbors…
To address your question though, you could make it official, one day a week the kids come to see the ducks but maybe you need it quiet the rest of the time to work or whatever. Tell them when to come and they can get it out of their system.
