Technically dying several for minutes after a stroke due to an aneurysm, worst thing I ever felt. They considered me dead, yet somehow everything restarted and I woke up gasping incapable of speech. I was thrown in an ice bath and they induced a coma. And yes, you can hear the outside world and the worst experience I’ve ever suffered mentally. I was in there for what I assumed was decades of masochist torture for realizing I wasn’t awake, despite my minds initial insistence I was. I still question if the acceptance, would have meant my dying and the torture was the pain of trying to stay alive. I eventually woke up to discover it had only been 10 days, and I was capable of basic speech, but my muscles had decayed to the point simple movement was almost impossible. In under 2 weeks, I relearned English and how to walk again. Since therapy, nothing is even remotely scaring as what your own mind can do to you.

Using a throwaway for this: I was beaten so badly by one of my abusers that my blood was splattered all over the living room wall and my shirt. This happened when I was 12, on Super Bowl Sunday, in the middle of the game. The abuser and I were arguing over something trivial when that thing attacked, and well 😞 The other adults in the room sided with the abuser and one of them made me change my bloody shirt so they could throw it away to hide the evidence. It was the moment when, as a kid, I realized I was truly alone and not wanted by anyone or anything, so I tried to kill myself a week later, on Valentine’s Day. I backed off at the last second. I doubt there’ll ever be a time I can talk or even think about it without feeling pain or hurt or wanting to cry.

I am not alone in the world anymore though, thankfully. Nowadays I have good friends in my life whom I can rely on for protection and help and whom I try to protect and help in kind. But that’ll always stick with me. The family you have in life is the one you build, not the group of people you’re born into.

1. When I was a kid I was swimming by the edge of a pool, and a heavy set five-year-old cannonballed on my face. I got knocked into the water and the force of her weight took my goggles right off.

2. My tennis coach was demonstrating how to hit the ball at the apex of a toss, and he used his racquet to hold the ball up against the fence. He didn’t realize that I was standing behind him, and he swung the racquet back and nailed me right in the lower jaw.

I’m currently sitting in bed in pain no sleep (besides during surgery) for second night in row. Dislocated wrist and shattered forearm, 8 inch I believe long plate (had to get custom made, so I got to spend a night with my bone all but protruding through skin) with 13 screws. To hold me together. All cuz some jackass in a lawn care truck decided to go left in front of me when I had right of way, I slammed my brakes but hit his bed I was on my motorcycle. Flipped over his bed straight cleared it then skipped down pavement like 20 ft or so. If not for my suit I would have lost the arm and had far more injury. I’m a mechanic by trade so 3 months recovery min is going to ruin me.

Sucker punched by a stranger on the street ranting that I was a police informant. Smashed me right in the forehead so hard everything went dark for a minute, and when I woke up he was straddling my chest and punching my face and throat. I don’t go out in public a lot anymore.

Chased into street, knocked into street pavement, kicked in stomach repeatedly while neighbors watched.

Thrown across room, onto sofa, jumped on top, pinned me down, beating into my face with his fists.

Hit, shoved so hard I nearly flip, slam into wall, earring ripped thru ear.

I had a happy childhood.