Uh, I wouldn’t comment on passing strangers like that, especially not wording it like “so good for you putting in the effort.” The issue of randomly bringing up their appearance aside, it sounds condescending.
That is not very good advice for the described situation of randomly walking past someone you don’t know and trying to compliment them.
‘Hi’ is a greeting, not a compliment, and using it as a compliment in the described scenario would likely be even more awkward and intimidating than ‘You look nice…’
A greeting implies a response to that greeting and probably a conversation following that is expected.
So now, the girl/woman is going to either outright think, or subconsciously run through:
‘who is this person?’
‘do i know this person?’
‘why do they want to talk to me?’
‘what are their intentions?’
…in the span of a single word.
This is terrible advice for the described situation, far more likely to illicit fear and panic than what gandalf described his attempt at a compliment illiciting.
well tbf the situation is complicated and i can easily see how somebody who has autism can easily run into difficult situations here.
part of the phenomenon is that the societal rules are never really laid out clearly, it seems to me. consider: women dress prettily because they like to. if you notice it, though, you are an asshole. compare that to a different situation: somebody plays violin, and you notice their violin, and ask them “hey, nice violin you got there. do you practice a lot?” and it would be considered normal interaction, if you’re meeting them at a bus station or sth (at least in the country that i live in; that, too, differs from place to place). so, where is the difference?
the difference is that our society has a weird relationship to human bodies. on the one hand, people cannot live without one. on the other hand, society seems to have an outright schizophrenic relationship to the human body. talk about it and you’re a weirdo, no matter what you say. it’s called “objectifying”, even though people seem to have no problem talking about how good somebody did in a sports competition, even though that is completely objectifying as well (after all, your muscles are objects, aren’t they?). so, where’s the difference?
Relentless heckling is a thing, so it’s understandable that this is a touchy subject.
Appearance is also more tied to a person’s perception in society. It’s like telling someone “Hey, you look wealthy today! Good job making money!” Not like commenting on a casual hobby.
Even taking the violin or sports example, wording it like “good on you for putting in the effort” would still sound very condescending.
Uh, I wouldn’t comment on passing strangers like that, especially not wording it like “so good for you putting in the effort.” The issue of randomly bringing up their appearance aside, it sounds condescending.
Like… just say hi.
That is not very good advice for the described situation of randomly walking past someone you don’t know and trying to compliment them.
‘Hi’ is a greeting, not a compliment, and using it as a compliment in the described scenario would likely be even more awkward and intimidating than ‘You look nice…’
A greeting implies a response to that greeting and probably a conversation following that is expected.
So now, the girl/woman is going to either outright think, or subconsciously run through:
‘who is this person?’
‘do i know this person?’
‘why do they want to talk to me?’
‘what are their intentions?’
…in the span of a single word.
This is terrible advice for the described situation, far more likely to illicit fear and panic than what gandalf described his attempt at a compliment illiciting.
Ugh, you know what I mean, just like nod or something if it feels appropriate. It doesn’t have to be “hi” the form of “lets start a conversation.”
well tbf the situation is complicated and i can easily see how somebody who has autism can easily run into difficult situations here.
part of the phenomenon is that the societal rules are never really laid out clearly, it seems to me. consider: women dress prettily because they like to. if you notice it, though, you are an asshole. compare that to a different situation: somebody plays violin, and you notice their violin, and ask them “hey, nice violin you got there. do you practice a lot?” and it would be considered normal interaction, if you’re meeting them at a bus station or sth (at least in the country that i live in; that, too, differs from place to place). so, where is the difference?
the difference is that our society has a weird relationship to human bodies. on the one hand, people cannot live without one. on the other hand, society seems to have an outright schizophrenic relationship to the human body. talk about it and you’re a weirdo, no matter what you say. it’s called “objectifying”, even though people seem to have no problem talking about how good somebody did in a sports competition, even though that is completely objectifying as well (after all, your muscles are objects, aren’t they?). so, where’s the difference?
Uh, I feel like you are missing a ton of context.
Relentless heckling is a thing, so it’s understandable that this is a touchy subject.
Appearance is also more tied to a person’s perception in society. It’s like telling someone “Hey, you look wealthy today! Good job making money!” Not like commenting on a casual hobby.
Even taking the violin or sports example, wording it like “good on you for putting in the effort” would still sound very condescending.