Take your hatchet and slash some leaves in the misty fields of Kerala. Make sure it’s monsoon flush, so roughly july to september. Then, chop up an old Ginkgo Biloba that looks wise. Leave it to dry in a Kenyan plain for three years, and head for Nepal. There, you will gather the purest glacier water there is. By then, your tea leaves will be dust. Go buy some Lipton and microwave tap water, it’s all you can do at this point. And, uh, teabag first