The best advice is “women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space”. They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."
Look for people who think similarly to you. I found it that I mesh well with other people who are on the spectrum, have adhd, etc. Ultimately nothing matters when you can’t approach someone, or go out of your way to find hobbies where you can find people with the same interests as you. So if you can’t get over that (or accept a rejection), it won’t work.
Also, don’t focus on a single person, especially someone who doesn’t return feelings / attention, or doesn’t have time for you at all. Even the busiest person will find a tiny bit of time to meet with you if they really like you. Obsessing over a single person for years isn’t the way to find love. Quoting a song by Tim Minchin, “your love is one in a million, but it doesn’t mean that the other 999 999 loves wouldn’t be equally nice”. If you find someone who returns your feelings, you mesh with well, hold on for dear life.
The best advice is “women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space”. They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."
Honestly, this is terrible advice for guys who are having trouble with women.
I only have real experience being me, and interacting with other people, for knowledge of what “people” are.
Let’s say I’m in the park shooting hoops alone. I see someone else walking around in the park, not looking busy or in a hurry. I could wave at them and say “hey, wanna shoot some hoops?”
When I see a woman I’m attracted to, I want to fuck her. Personality, interests, etc - those are all nice and all. Those are things that make me want to hang out with a girl, spend time with her, talk to her. But if she has big tits and a thin waist, my penis says “hey, we should fuck her”, and say “what a great idea, Penis!”
So based on my own personal internal experience of being human, my experience interacting with other humans in other contexts, and your advice that “women are just people” - what I should do is see a woman in the park, wave at her, and say “hey, wanna fuck?”
However, based on every other piece of information I have about how to interact with women, I am led to believe that I should not do this. So if women are just people, but I shouldn’t interact with them in a way which is very understandable to me, then that must mean that I am not a normal person. That there is something wrong with me.
Now, based on the fact that I’ve already written this much, and the sheer fact that I’m here on Lemmy, this is probably a valid assumption. But sexually, it is not. Sexually, I’m a pretty normal guy. Guys are mostly aroused by people’s physical forms and want sex immediately, with emotional connection being lower on the list of immediate priorities. This is very obvious if you simply look at a gay man’s Grindr, where many men set a picture of their asshole as their leading profile pic and allow other users to see their location down to the meter so they can fuck Right. Now.
The reality is, men and women are different. At this point the gender studies crowd usually jumps in and says something about “gender essentialism”, or about how “everyone is different.” Great, everyone is different. But there are some broad trends we can observe, and for the purposes of heteronormative dating, we can fairly easily divide the world into men, women, and other, where “other” are largely irrelevant to the discussion since - if we are giving advice to heterosexual men - either you don’t want to fuck them, or they don’t want to fuck you. So we talk about men and women, and how you as a man should interact with women so that they will want to fuck you.
In order for a guy to improve at being fuckable, he needs to understand that women are different than him. That they want and expect different things. And this is fine. Yeah, women are people. But they are also women, and if you want to date women, you need to treat women like women like to be treated when they date someone.
I said it in the comment above, if you are unable to go out / ask someone out / spend time with them, it is most likely not going to work out. I like spending my time with my cat too - but I am able of going out to meet someone in a park for instance. Maybe an online relationship with someone has a place, but at the end of the day - nothing can substitute being in the same place together.
You seem to have more pressing matters than a relationship to take care of. Finding a partner is secondary to taking care of yourself. A relationship won’t magically fix anything, worse yet, it can be detrimental to your health. A partner also isn’t there to baby you, or be your therapist. Can’t really give you mental health advice more than that, I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist. And even if I was, giving medical advice on the internet isn’t something people should be doing.
You probably need to rely on your support network, ask someone for help if possible, or call a doctor. It won’t be easy to overcome though.
Agoraphobia is fear of open spaces, enochlophobia is fear of crowds. You assume I want someone to baby me, I don’t. I just don’t know where to go to meet people like me, and make friends.
Sooo are you able to go out, meet people in the park? No? Then it most likely isn’t going to work, as I said in my post before. Take care of your mental health first.
The best advice is “women are people too, not some mystical being from outer space”. They feel the same emotions, they get hungry, they get horny, they get anxious or shy too."
Look for people who think similarly to you. I found it that I mesh well with other people who are on the spectrum, have adhd, etc. Ultimately nothing matters when you can’t approach someone, or go out of your way to find hobbies where you can find people with the same interests as you. So if you can’t get over that (or accept a rejection), it won’t work.
Also, don’t focus on a single person, especially someone who doesn’t return feelings / attention, or doesn’t have time for you at all. Even the busiest person will find a tiny bit of time to meet with you if they really like you. Obsessing over a single person for years isn’t the way to find love. Quoting a song by Tim Minchin, “your love is one in a million, but it doesn’t mean that the other 999 999 loves wouldn’t be equally nice”. If you find someone who returns your feelings, you mesh with well, hold on for dear life.
Honestly, this is terrible advice for guys who are having trouble with women.
I only have real experience being me, and interacting with other people, for knowledge of what “people” are.
Let’s say I’m in the park shooting hoops alone. I see someone else walking around in the park, not looking busy or in a hurry. I could wave at them and say “hey, wanna shoot some hoops?”
When I see a woman I’m attracted to, I want to fuck her. Personality, interests, etc - those are all nice and all. Those are things that make me want to hang out with a girl, spend time with her, talk to her. But if she has big tits and a thin waist, my penis says “hey, we should fuck her”, and say “what a great idea, Penis!”
So based on my own personal internal experience of being human, my experience interacting with other humans in other contexts, and your advice that “women are just people” - what I should do is see a woman in the park, wave at her, and say “hey, wanna fuck?”
However, based on every other piece of information I have about how to interact with women, I am led to believe that I should not do this. So if women are just people, but I shouldn’t interact with them in a way which is very understandable to me, then that must mean that I am not a normal person. That there is something wrong with me.
Now, based on the fact that I’ve already written this much, and the sheer fact that I’m here on Lemmy, this is probably a valid assumption. But sexually, it is not. Sexually, I’m a pretty normal guy. Guys are mostly aroused by people’s physical forms and want sex immediately, with emotional connection being lower on the list of immediate priorities. This is very obvious if you simply look at a gay man’s Grindr, where many men set a picture of their asshole as their leading profile pic and allow other users to see their location down to the meter so they can fuck Right. Now.
The reality is, men and women are different. At this point the gender studies crowd usually jumps in and says something about “gender essentialism”, or about how “everyone is different.” Great, everyone is different. But there are some broad trends we can observe, and for the purposes of heteronormative dating, we can fairly easily divide the world into men, women, and other, where “other” are largely irrelevant to the discussion since - if we are giving advice to heterosexual men - either you don’t want to fuck them, or they don’t want to fuck you. So we talk about men and women, and how you as a man should interact with women so that they will want to fuck you.
In order for a guy to improve at being fuckable, he needs to understand that women are different than him. That they want and expect different things. And this is fine. Yeah, women are people. But they are also women, and if you want to date women, you need to treat women like women like to be treated when they date someone.
I have agoraphobia, enochlophobia, and like to stay home with my cat. Any suggestions?
Look for someone who also wants to Netflix and Chill. No shortage of other people who feel the same way.
I said it in the comment above, if you are unable to go out / ask someone out / spend time with them, it is most likely not going to work out. I like spending my time with my cat too - but I am able of going out to meet someone in a park for instance. Maybe an online relationship with someone has a place, but at the end of the day - nothing can substitute being in the same place together.
You seem to have more pressing matters than a relationship to take care of. Finding a partner is secondary to taking care of yourself. A relationship won’t magically fix anything, worse yet, it can be detrimental to your health. A partner also isn’t there to baby you, or be your therapist. Can’t really give you mental health advice more than that, I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist. And even if I was, giving medical advice on the internet isn’t something people should be doing.
You probably need to rely on your support network, ask someone for help if possible, or call a doctor. It won’t be easy to overcome though.
Agoraphobia is fear of open spaces, enochlophobia is fear of crowds. You assume I want someone to baby me, I don’t. I just don’t know where to go to meet people like me, and make friends.
Sooo are you able to go out, meet people in the park? No? Then it most likely isn’t going to work, as I said in my post before. Take care of your mental health first.