My dad and I quote this all the time, and no one ever knows what we’re talking about! Peter Sellers is phenomenal!

Cat: Yes, this is very nice, but where’s the plain cardboard box it came in?

Eh, a ten will give you about a 50/50 roll if something is “easy,” and only about a 25% chance if something is “medium” difficulty. Sounds about right for me.

Am I gonna shut my damn mouth when I should? 75% of the time, no.

I am lucky enough to have a local vet that is excellent and caring and independently owned. When the owner wanted to retire a few years ago, several of the veterinarians pooled together to purchase it, so it wasn’t bought by a big company. My cat died earlier this year, but I will continue to donate to them even though I don’t have a pet right now.

All that being said, I’ve known two people who’ve worked at the VCA, and both are excellent. One (a vet tech) is still there and loves it and her manager is great, but the other left because she was overworked and underpaid (an actual veterinarian). In an ideal world, huge conglomerates wouldn’t buy out and jack up the prices of independent vets and then cut costs by stressing staff, but that doesn’t mean that the people working there aren’t caring and dedicated. Depends a lot on the specific location.

Oh wow, you unlocked a memory of me singing that at like 2am in a packed car while waiting at a Taco Bell drive thru in high school. I’m gonna go lie down now, my back hurts.

Carl Weathers: Master of HTML

This is so real. Some kid in 5th grade discovered marquee and told me about it, and it was my favorite thing for a good year or two

I know this is just a meme, but I’ve been in therapy for three years and I’m still a mess. But I am slightly less of a mess than I was three years ago, and it took three years of therapy for me to realize that’s good. Maybe not better than yesterday or a week ago, but definitely better most days now than most days last year. Progress is progress, so take credit when you have some.

Imagine the terrifying reverse, though.

You’re out at night, and see some critter scurry across the path. You think nothing of it, but then moments later, an ear-piercing squawk rings out in the dark night. A flash of white, feathers lopsided and flying whizzes past you, and then you see it smash into a bush, tumbling end over end before the rough sounds of scratching and clawing shake the air in front of you. You stare, frozen, as after nearly a minute, the seagull, drenched in blood and dirt, hops out of the bush with something in its mouth. It could have been a rat, a squirrel, a gerbil, anything for all you know, but now it is mangled with guts spilling out on the ground. The gull, its mouth already overstuffed, stares you down as it gobbles up the fallen entrails, its eyes never leaving yours, as if daring you to make a move. It drops the rest of the carcass from its mouth and snatches the creature awkwardly in its talons to save for a snack later, then more jumps than flies upwards, its wings blowing air past you loudly in the quiet night. You stand there in shock, and as you finally begin to walk again, a guttural squawk of triumph again rings through the night, followed by loud echoes of many others, as the seagull brags about its stealthy and elegant kill.

The next morning, you take a trip down to the beach with your friend and his daughter. Sitting on a boardwalk bench, you tell them the crazy story, captivating your enthused audience. The young girl laughs, but then suddenly stops. You look over to see her staring in shock at her empty hand, which moments ago held a half-eaten hot dog. She raises her head to look up at the sky, and you follow her gaze. The owl silently flies up and away with its catch, the bun clutched neatly in its talons as its wings beat softly. No one even heard it coming.

And their Instagram, before the motorcycle pics so you have to login or cheat, is https://www.instagram.com/cobabeda99/

Damn it now this is going to be stuck in my head for the day. “64. How did 64 get into it? I hear you cry.”

Just because I can’t name the head of Antifa (or any other prominent member of Antifa) off the top of my head doesn’t mean they aren’t a highly coordinated terrorist organization.

Fantastic satire

Charlie’s Angels’ Colon must have been a direct to TV sequel

This and inflationary language are two of my favorites from him!

Oh, that’s the famous Sherlock Holmes fanfic author, right? And occasionally Batman fanfic!

National Treasure is a mediocre movie that I will always watch the shit out of. It is the perfect balance of ridiculousness and action, and just always brings me joy.

Better than jumping the shark

What does lamo mean? I understood the rest, and yes, my back hurts.

Northerners: The American Civil War

Southerners: The War for States’ Rights

Deep Southerners: The War of Northern Aggression

Deep Deep Rednecks: North 1, South 0, HALFTIME!

Oh god how have I never realized this. You monster!

Also, it’s crazy to me that we still use the normal metric prefixes for a logarithmic scale!