Random Kid: W…w… We were just shooting spit balls! It’s just a straw, please!

ED-209: WEAPON CONFIRMED, ARMING RAIL GUN.

kid reduced to fine red mist

ED-209: TARGET NEUTRALIZED. STATE IF PARENTS SHOULD BE NOTIFIED THROUGH TEXT.

no response

ED-209: VERY WELL, ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SCHOOL DAY.

drone flies off

Why was your BIL required to use a hammer after marrying your sister. Is there some ritual I am unaware of?

How much money would be needed to build an open source linux phone from the ground up?

I’m all for linux, I miss the market before iPhone domination. Weird ass symbian phones, windows phones, nokia taco phones, there was all sorts of stuff. I wish we could have a market like that with lots of diverse phones that all run different operating systems. I also wish we could step away from app stores and we could just start building websites again, phones are fast enough now

That’s some real bullshit. Bruh, I had an 11 year old account. I’m perma banned now. According to them I was inciting violence.

Yeah I did, I said nazi’s can go fuck themselves. That got me a warning. Then I said anti-vaxxers are idiots and that forced vaccinations might be a good idea. When I said that they said I was promoting violence and that got me banned. Seriously, fuck Reddit.

He’d probably goose step straight into Poland if he had the stamina

I’m over at the next train stop selling underpants and fur suits. Use the code #trainpissorgy to for a 30 percent discount.

Based on his skin color this man is clearly Laotian, send him straight to Vientiane! He can go peddle his scripts by the Mekong! (I’m joking)

Like tar, if we peel it off your skin will come off too.

I’ll never forget the time I bought a book called Never Eat Alone and my ex ridiculed me for buying it (she’s Chinese so the idea of eating alone was ridiculous to her). I ended up just putting the book in my bookcase, to this day I still feel shitty when I look at it.

Hell, not even that. You could become a world class boxer or UFC fighter. You can basically slip any punch or attack instantly and you can teleport your fists into the sweet spot to score a knockout. You would be an amazing baseball player as well, you can teleport to perfectly hit any ball at just the right angle. As a quarterback you would be insane too, you can readjust to any play instantly. In fencing you’d basically be unstoppable, you can dodge everything. For any sport or physical activity being able to teleport 7 inches is insanely overpowered. The person who came up with this doesn’t play any sports.

Hey, I know this reference!

Alright, the only way we can defeat religion is with cookouts and community events

Well, we do live in different times. Back then, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. ‘Gimme five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones

I used to get my weed in a big trash bag behind the high school from a guy on a yamaha scooter. It was mostly seeds and stems and you had to smoke a lot to even get high but it was great because it gave you something fun to do with friends. I can’t handle the weed people smoke nowadays, one toke sends me straight to the nether realm.

I wonder if there’s anyone alive right now who would be capable of such a task.

I’m guessing it’s because of their cool accents and off the wall sense of humor

Show me where I’m wrong

You seem troubled. If you’re ever in Amsterdam, let me know and I’ll buy you a beer and you can tell me about what’s bothering you.

Would he have someone bite off his head?