An investigation into acts of self-pleasure among parrots and other birds has reached a climax, with the results providing welcome relief for vets and researchers, not to mention the birds themselves.

Asked if they showed any signs of self-loathing or Catholic guilt, Heys thought not. “I don’t want to say satisfied, but they do look different after they finish. It’s obviously doing something for them.”

Someone was having a little too much fun with this article.

Not as much as I used to, sadly. I don’t remember what the first thing I volunteered for was but I suspect I started doing it because I was asked. I volunteered a lot more when I worked at a company that encouraged community service and would give their employees time to do volunteer work during business hours.

Nano is the proper tool for this job.

Instructions: “Next, open the .config file in vim…”

Me:

The Germans were pissed when the American’s showed up with shotguns. Can you imagine the protests if they showed up with T. R.?

Just make a routine!

I have a routine that rivals a priest on Easter Sunday. But the best written homily doesn’t undo the fact that the organist is about to start the prelude and for the life of me, I can’t figure out where those damned communion wafers have gone even though I swear I just saw them!

Can’t argue with that.

Suspenders were on the table. Went with overalls because I don’t need them often and they’re cheaper to replace than jeans.

Gambling for schmucks.

I do but the performance of a belt is heavily dependent on whats below it being wider than what’s above it. 🤷‍♂️

Richard Simmons.

Dr. Doolittle (the Rex Harrison version). Childhood memory unlocked.

And the options are still not great.

Casino: a business where the revenue stream consists mostly of, “You give me money. I give you less money back.”

The circle of life.

I’m going to wager this is mostly an attempt to get more people into the Apple ecosystem. The more integrated the user is, the harder it is for them to get out.

Not only this, as much as I love him due to him being family, I don’t love his views.

First off, I want to tell you that this is OK, even if it’s hard. I know plenty of people who hold similar views to your grandpa. Some of them I love very much even though I strongly disagree with their politics.

I have family members who are MAGA. Some of their views are completely shameful and deserving of harsh criticism. Yet, sometimes those same people can be incredibly generous and do very good things for others.

People are complicated.

If your grandpa were honest with himself, he would be willing to admit that if he lived in a place where his family was dirt poor and in serious danger, he would probably do whatever it took to care for them, even if it meant illegally entering a country.

Immigration laws don’t mean shit when you don’t know where your next meal is coming from or if the cartel is going to murder your wife and kids tomorrow.

If he were really honest with himself, he would have to admit that he’s not all that different from some poor brown guy from Central America who has many the same problems that he does.

Edit: Thought grandpa but wrote dad. Fixed that

I’ve worked with so many people who use their job to escape their marriage. That sucks. I love spending time with my wife. I wish we got to go do things like we used to.

I once had a neighbor who asked me if I wanted to pictures of his kids when they were born. I said “sure”, after which he whipped out his phone and began to scroll through pics of his kids in the middle of being born.

All I can really say is that one thing I wasn’t doing when my kids were being born was taking pictures.

Jimmy came in first place. What a loser! – The Kid in Second Place