It’s just, too much, so much bad and evil happening and I can’t take it, nor can I look away.
I use these platforms to distract from the gnawing constant loneliness I feel that never goes away.
I can’t spend more than 5 minutes without a video playing or checking some kind of media to fill the void.
I’m feeling so suicidal nowadays, but I’m stuck in this existence for the time being.
Music.
I get like this, and put on music, full albums as of late, because then I can set my phone down and wander.
Yesterday I was restless and put on Jesse Welles and went out into my garden to pick bugs off my lemon tree. Ended up weeding my garden after, spending a few hours out there. Felt whole afterwards.
I don’t feel like I have any privacy on my balcony and I hate being observed when I’m doing private things. Also my cat can’t go on the balcony and that makes me never go out.
ooooooo.
I struggle with this too. I dont like to be observed so it will keep me from my own yard. I have to time when I do any work in thd front, to when I think my neighbors are all busy. Its fuckin weird of me, and I totally get what you mean.
Ive been working on it. I noticed my neighbors dont give af about it, and really I am trying to figure out why I care who sees me. I think I fear judgment. Im working on it. I can only take my bike out early or late, never in the middle of the day for the same reason. Also something Im working on, this being a bit easier than working in my front yard.
Keep mulling over solutions your comfortable with. Dont need anything to just, think. Im glad you have kitty company, at least :)
…and you can put music on and do whatever, wander round your spot and fiddle with … anything project or non project you want to. I just use music to get away from my phone/screen when its really bringing me down. Its connection. I sing to my cats. lol sing to ur cat ;)