Because I honestly can’t. I can barely talk with the very few people I know. Is just so out of my range. That’s why I don’t have friends or a partner and I don’t see that changing.
EDIT: no, responding comments here or asking this question ISN’T having a conversation for me. So I don’t feel this as “progress”.
i used to be so anxious and shy i could hardly say a word to my best friends from childhood. you embarrass yourself over and over till it starts to get a little easier. now i can talk to a group of people i dont know well with only a little anxiety
Yeah. I haven’t always been very comfortable with it, I made active effort to learn ways to make it easier.
I also lived in the Midwest for a while where asking someone “How are you doing” is an actual invitation to conversation and not just a response of “fine”. I learned some people are very open to chitchat with strangers, some people aren’t, and it gets pretty easy with practice to tell which is which noting body language and those first few words they respond to you with.
Also, you’re doing it now, OP. Way to go. Forum conversations like this totally count. Maybe next level up for you is some IM chatting with someone from a hobby group you’re interested in.
He is not doing it now though. Chatting online has nothing to do with real life talking to another person.
It totally doesn’t count dude. Especially since this isn’t my first language, or second, I have no use for English outside Google and pointless social media light usage.
Sooooo, do this but in a language that “counts”?
I’m unable to
Very well. The other night was at a fall festival and they had some carnys pushing carts filled with toys and balloons, you know, plastic swords, plastic guns, snaps, stink bombs, and blow up guitars, etc., and they all had a bunch of flags for sale, including, at the very top, a bunch of made in China trump shit.
I saw one carney, who was black, and he did not have trump shit. So when it was time to let the kiddo pick a toy or something, I said he could buy from that carney. And I struck up a convo by offering that it was his lack of Trump shit that got him this sale; an important thing, I think, to tell retailers of this sort. We dapped it up for a second and he was looked at me like, “come the fuck on, obviously there’s no trump shit on my cart.” He said one of the other Carneys told him how much more money he could make, and how he asked the other guy back, “man, are you fucking stupid?” Nice guy.
I have conversations with strangers all the time. I believe everyone is capable of this through the power of alcohol.
I noticed early in my 20’s that my social anxiety had gotten to a point where I couldn’t casually chat with random people. So I made an effort to do it anyway even though the results wouldn’t be favourable for a while. It took a few years before I noticed it didn’t take much of a push any more to start. I’m 40 now and while I still don’t enjoy talking to strangers, especially when just making meaningless small talk, I at least don’t have a wall of pre-dread anymore to climb in the case that I do need/want to talk to a stranger. Like if they dropped something, or if I want a product in a store that is not currently stocked on the shelf.
yeah, no problem.
i’m a social butterfly when i’m drunk and somehow managed to transfer this skill into my sober life over the years.
i’m even pretty good at phonecalls now. those terrified me my whole life. now i often prefer them over emails/texting.
gestures to the site we are all using rn
All the time. I don’t know any of you!
You don’t know that! All you know is that you don’t know if you know any of us. ;)
That implies I know people IRL.
I can assure you, I do not.
I could have a conversation with a stranger, but I would prefer not to. I don’t find silence uncomfortable and I’m perfectly happy to wait quietly.
I don’t like it when people try to chat when I’m having my hair cut, or waiting for something. Small talk is a drag and I really don’t care about any of it.
I totally understand that feeling.
Sure! I mean, we’re doing it right now, right? ;)
Or do you mean exclusively in person?
I’ll be honest with you, I don’t get out much (health issues) but when I do, I don’t LIKE talking to people, but I do, because it takes so little effort to make someone feel better about their day.
It also helps that pretty much everyone here has a tattoo and that’s a good icebreaker.
“Wow, nice ink! How long have you had it?”
Exclusively in person. For me online chat has very little value and the lack of a face gives you a protection you can’t have out there.
100%. Chatting online has nothing to do with talking to people in real life. It’s completely different. I have no idea who you are on the other side of this, and I don’t even want to know. That’s the major difference, this is just wasting time together, not building relationships.
And yet here you are, soliciting this thing that is “pointless” (c.f. above) and of “little value”. Odd.
We ask pointless stuff all the time
No. Between being really poor about remembering names and whether I’ve met someone before, and always being suspicious about their motives for approaching me, it never goes well.
This past summer I travelled down south and it was a strange experience - people were friendly and wanted to chat, and even be helpful, and not once was there an obvious scam. I’m too old to be discovering something like this but I’ve always been with family or friends or something, or visiting tourist spots, but this time I was wandering in “normal” places. After a week, I was finally open to small talk without suspicion, but what an experience!
I live right below the dividing line between north and south. People here are definitely southern in attitude and habit. All the bullshit small talk drove me crazy as a kid. As an adult I tolerate it but I still don’t care for it.
On the other hand for my work I travel extensively. I love working in the north because nobody bothers me or asks what I’m doing. This can be a serious problem in the south because if I don’t indulge people they may decide I’m rude and then complain about me.
I think that’s something you can learn. It definitely takes some training. But speaking from own experience, I think I started out as an introvert and in my very fist job I had to talk to lots of random strangers each day. And I adjusted. Nowadays I can start conversations easily, do smalltalk… I mean I’m probably still the same person and sometimes I like to talk and sometimes I don’t like to open up at all. But I know what to say, how to keep a conversation going or end it if I like and it doesn’t take that much effort. And I think that makes me a bit more at ease. Knowing I have that skill available. But it certainly took me some time and effort to get there.
And I’m still not particularly good at mimicking an extroverted person. But I don’t care that much anymore. If I make mistakes, or I struggle with some conversational partner, that’s just what it is. It makes me uncomfortable. But at some point I’m going to have other problems to deal with and I’m going to forget about it.
Yes, lots. And not because I’m an extrovert. It’s a very commonly used life skill and I wouldn’t, for example, be able to do my job without it.
I hate it. I’m just generally afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I end up saying very little until I feel that I know the person well enough to share more.
However, I worked in customer service and sales for 20 years and learned how to fake it.
It’s a performance, just like a singer or dancer, it’s exhausting, but practice makes progress.
I do now, tho I prefer to read in silence. What helped me, was to remind myself, that in the grand scheme of things this conversation and any opinion this stranger will have of me is irrelevant.
I’m always sitting primed and ready for some random chit chat but I’m too shy to initiate. If you ever see a mid 20s male sitting alone, he more than likely would be more than happy to talk to you or anyone for that matter.
We don’t get alot of attention when not seeked out :/
