Therapy. It’s clear this is causing you problems in your life. And that’s exactly what therapy is for.

I’m just a dickhead on the Internet, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound normal or healthy to me. Have you tried therapy?

The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.

Yeah, that’s actually a thing for some people to various degrees.

It’s called misophonia

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24460-misophonia

I had it for high pitched sounds as well, went on Beta Blockers for migraines and it fixed this as well.

The noises are triggering your adrenal response and your body is screaming at you that the noise has to stop and it doesn’t matter what it takes. Beta blockers block adrenaline, so now noises that used to set me on edge are just normal noises to me.

I think one of the current hypothesis is that it might be close to a sound that would attract predators, but sometimes wires get crossed and you have the reaction to a random noise.

Most commonly it’s people hating the sound of others chewing.

Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.

This is actually a neurological thing. It has a name and everything (though I can’t recall what the name is). A lot of people on the spectrum have it. You may want to talk to a therapist about it, if this isn’t merely hyperbole.

I have no advice, but I have to say I really admire and appreciate you for acknowledging that it’s unfair for the children and trying to change that. Most people aren’t strong enough to introspect

I would even argue that you’ve already done the hard part

I’ve noticed a correlation between the trait you describe and high-functioning autism. I’ve dated two women with the trait you describe, and one of them was diagnosed HFA, and the other showed signs of HFA but was undiagnosed last I heard.

We have a tendency to expect others to show the same level of maturity as we’ve learned to exhibit ourselves. Being accepting of those who haven’t learned that level of maturity is a skill that must be learned. Learning teaching skills/methods helps with this.

Could be worth looking into Misophonia. Basically it’s an irrational anger response to specific noises that vary person to person. I don’t know enough about it to say how it can be dealt with, but it may be something you could find a specialist for.

I’m wondering if you’ve got Misophonia

Are you a cat?

Seek mental help from a therapist for a start. Instead of talking to people online that you have no idea what their intentions are or which way they wanna steer you best bet is get therapy…you need it.

I know of one person in my wider circle who reacts also pretty bad when children are being children around him. In his childhood, every time he was loud, wanted attention, or just did what a child does, his parents (they did not even want children; he was an “accident”) got really angry at him. So children being children is a trigger for him.

Talking to a trained professional helped him immensely to handle this.

It’s very weird to me that you’re only listing loud things children do… Like, have you ever been around a sleeping child? Do they bother you? What about in a classroom, watching a movie, or running in the distance (out of earshot)?

Average volume of a child is higher than adults, but only by a factor of 2 or so. And their noises are interpretable, you can definitely figure out what they mean, unlike the adult noises.

I recognize everything you’re saying, and I know it’s presumptuous, but I doubt it’s actually hatred. It’s a very visceral reaction that turns into frustration because it’s often situations you can’t change or extricate yourself from. And if there’s no outlet, anger/rage is one of the easiest emotions. Maybe you should look up Misophonia and see if you recognize it. It won’t fix your issue, but it might help to put a name to it, to know you’re not crazy and you’re definitely not alone. For me it’s not just kids, I also need to get away when I hear people eat. Loud eaters just kill my apetite instantly and the response to it is physical. I just can’t be around it.

Whenever kids make noise, I get this uncontrollable, physical reaction. It’s kind of like nails on blackboard stuff, you know, but a thousand times worse? All it makes me do is wanting to get the fuck out of there. I can actually FEEL it. It’s visceral. And I know they’re not doing it on purpose, and I would never ever let the kid know, because it’s not their fault. But I just can’t deal with it. It’s so bad that I’ve gotten off buses/trams when some baby starts crying, just to wait at the stop for the next one. I’ve actually exited stores, when kids are being loud, which as you know, in some stores is pretty useless because there are almost always kids around. Internet really saved me there, I haven’t been shopping in years, just order pretty much everything online. The worst time for me was a flight where I got stuck with a screaming 4-year old for hours, which actually brought me to tears from frustration, because I couldn’t leave and I couldn’t blame the kid, especially because his mom was a total moron and only made it worse by yelling. Luckily the flight was only a few hours across Europe and not transatlantic, because I might have offed myself.

Sadly I don’t have a fix for you, but if you find one, please let me know. ;) I’ve been luckier than some, in that I only have one sibling, who also doesn’t want kids, and while I do have 2 cousins with kids, we never see each other, which is mostly because I moved abroad over a decade ago. Avoiding places where kids congregrate is easier if there are no kids in your social circle, although of course you can never avoid them 100% of the time.

OP, don’t feel alone or hopeless. There are more of us out here who know exactly what you’re describing because we experience it ourselves.

It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that it’s your fault for experiencing this - there’s not much you can do to “fix” it, if anything. I’ve been to a therapist and medical professionals, and basically noise cancelling AirPods or ear plugs in public are the only solution. And maybe some medications.

We used to have neighbors with several small children who would - at the same time every day - go play in their backyard. Normal kid thing. But if I was outside, I’d have to go back in. The frequency or pitch or whatever you want to call it of the loud shrieks was literally painful. I would cry.

I see other replies saying it may be a factor of you not being able to express yourself in the same way as a child. I wasn’t either because my mom is terrified of the outside world & it would make her think I was in danger. Whether this played a role or not I have no idea. I don’t want to attribute it to purely psychological reasons when it sounds like there is potentially also an actual physical medical explanation. Maybe it’s a combination, maybe not. Who knows.

It’s a fact of life that IMO you cannot control and will have to have a plan for if and when it occurs. Earplugs, leaving the triggering situation, medication, I hope you find something that works. It is fucking painful. And I can’t control that. And it’s no one’s fault…we just try to avoid situations where young children will be present (which is really fucking hard at times for a woman, btw…baby showers! Parties where the women are expected to be the caretakers because….uterus, I suppose?).

Anyway, best of luck to you, it’s not your fault, and feel free to reach out any time.

I have exactly the same. Therapy doesn’t work. There is no cure other than faking it. You have to let your rational mind win from that primal repulsive feeling. I also feel immense guilt for feeling this way about innocent little humans.

I still avoid children when I can. This has created a gap between my friends and me, they all have kids. I never go to their place, we always meet in public. I never told them but I think they know, because they don’t treat me differently when I tactically withdraw when children get involved.

Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.