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- “Grandpa, did you fight in WW3?”
- “No, they wouldn’t let me enlist because I masturbated way too much. Like an immediately disqualifying amount.”Grandpa, do you mind? It’s hard to talk to you when you do that in front of me.
You kids today are soft, back in my day there was this big war & I could only use one hand because I needed the other to fight people that wanted to evacuate me.
Or that one time I had to hide in the attic & do it very quietly.
Or that time I had to do it with a super bright light in my face because there was something called “an interrogation” at the camp.
Now you’re just listing off my gooning kink playlist vids.
How exactly does masturbating prevent you from military service?
It makes you go blind.
And your hands get all hairy
Oh, and your rifle gets all slippery!
It makes your hand pregnant
How is babby formed?
When the mortar tube is clogged with cum…
Post-nut clarity makes you realize what a bad idea joining the military would be.
After a good fap I realised that this is the most plausible explanation.
When they won’t get their dicks out of their hands in formation, it’s very distracting for others.
“The enemy cannot push a button, if you disable his hand!”
- Sergeant Zim
WW3 is gonna be a 5v5 on de_dust2
Heeeeey. There might be a role for me after all.
I want it in Source at 800x600 on my end. CRT please.
I know we just met but I feel very confident leaving the fate of the free world in your hands. Just cool it with the warcrimes okay, all that teabagging is going land you in the Hague.
For some reason I remembered Notch. He tried to settle all disputes in Quake. And it even worked.
TIL wanking habits fit into recruitment parameters.
not gonna lie it would be awesome if wars were actually conducted by gaming
They already are, but the controls are connected to physical weapons that kill people IRL.
If you die in the game, you die in real life
There was a star trek episode like that.
Simpsons did it!
I did my part by being born with a sensory disability. Mind you I’m also too mentally ill to enlist…
I WILL get myself addicted if a draft gets instated. My family has a predisposition towards addiction, and my life would be ruined either way.
I don’t know the statistics but survival chances for addicts might be actually better than for soldiers in active combat
sweats in Cloud9
Someday war will be… in a cup!
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I’m a disabled veteran and still get calls from recruiters. They are basically salesmen doing cold calls
Why. The fuck. Would anyone, Millennial or younger join the US military these days? To fight for oil overseas, while the world is burning? To be the arm of our corrupt politicians? To defend all the houses we will never afford? To protect a populace that yearns for fascism?
If you live in Europe: to protect your freedom. (may apply to other regions as well)
Based!
Good news, in the US, you don’t have to join the military to get a gun.
Just put them on a 2000 calory deficit diet during basic training, and double its duration.
That’ll get rid of 80 pounds of excess fat, plus they won’t have the strength to masturbate.Sure, half of them will become casualties before they see action, but they can still pilot drones, do the funny or make coffee, while you can feed the other half into the front line grinder.
2 kcal is not very much.
not 2 kcal per day, a 2 kcal deficit per day.
That’s only about half a gram of carbs. Were you talking about food calories, which would be 2000 kcal?
Are you autistic, or is it OK to make fun of you?
I’m not sure what you mean by that. If you’re confused about the calories, 1 kcal (which is what people usually refer to when talking about food calories) is 1000 calories. A normal diet is a couple thousand kcal a day.
common misinterpretation… Calories is kcal
(with a capital C)I’m convinced that’s some bs some bigwig invented to avoid admitting they’re wrong.
