Asking because not only did I suspect my (now former) boss to be like that, there was also a massive meltdown in a specific content creation space where an otherwise extremely kind CC was exposed as… being a bit special. So I thought I should try to get better at spotting ppl like that in order to not burn myself
Edit: Thanks everyone. I guess I didn’t word it correctly but my goal wasn’t to “diagnose” someone. I’m Autistic & am working in a field that allegedly attracts lots of hyper-competitive/toxic ppl, so I want to protect myself. That’s why. I already saw tons of useful comments so
Obligatory “not a *psychiatrist”, but based on my own past experiences with troubled folks that taught me a lot about myself and what I’m not willing to tolerate any longer:
Tendency to reroute conversations to be only about them. The expectation is that you will be the emotional dumping ground for them, but they don’t have a vested interest listening to anything you say that isn’t of benefit to them.
Along the same vein, they typically aren’t safe to vent to about anyone or anything. They might be comfortable speaking ill of people/things to you if they have perceived you as passive enough, but if you do the same they will pocket that info for a later date and use it against you if they feel slighted or threatened.
Love bombing as a social weapon/form of manipulation. They will act super nice and want to get to know you fast in an effort to disarm you and earn their trust. Do not allow yourself to fall into a “fast friends” situation!
They will do anything to avoid accountability for awful behavior, including trying to blame you for things they chose to do on their own selfish volition. Additionally, if they have the means to do so, they will play the reverse victim card real fast to gain sympathy from others and make you seem like the problem if you catch them red-handed.
They are insecure and can’t handle their energy being matched and tend to be stuck in “teenager” behavior as adults. In my case, they were abrasive and accustomed to back-handed compliments toward anyone they were “friends” with. That said, if it got dished back they would become downright livid and mean.
Casual tendency to regurgitate others truths as their own as an act of self-aggrandization (I called it secondhand lying). For example, you might say to them “I went to ‘ABC’ restaurant and they had amazing cocktails” and then a few days later you’ll catch them saying the same sentence to someone else despite knowing they didn’t go to that restaurant. That was a weird one.