sempersigh [he/him]

Fed mad. Thank god I got an account before they limited it

Game show host be like “hexbear user sempersigh in this briefcase is 200,000 dollars, in order to win this money all you need to do is read this text out loud without laughing” “also if you laugh once while trying to read this you will fucking die”

Me: “no problem it’s just some words… how hard can it be”

Host: alright folks here it is

the image in the OP appears on screen

Me: dies instantly

Noooooo we can’t do that because then the SS guard will vote for the republicans!!!

the actual answer is probably the closest equivalent to whatever the word for edging is which I’m sure there is an equivalent for but i am not going to investigate this sorry

be me

goes to planet crab to see what’s there

it’s filled with crabs

Actually I don’t have any human children I just meant dad as in im giving off those vibes or something now

I do have a son though here he is

just came out as dad to my bisexual partner

edit; not that i’m not also bisexual ofc let me be clear

tbh I thought this might have actually been real and you just tacked on the kkk part.

That’s where we’re at now huh 😬

Thank u for your service

American politicians playing whack a mole with Chinese apps in a desperate attempt to make us use instagram instead is the funniest possible outcome I’m here for it

They were like “hey we were gonna let you do this but you don’t even have any DOD contracts so that makes it unethical” “only heckin wholesome pentagon guys or pentagon lackeys are allowed here ✨

I won’t need to anyways once the marines land in Nova Scotia we’re going to find out just how “brave” the us marines really are when the bottle kids gun for them

He’s more like aubrey de grey all he needs to do is be accused of sexual harassment and he will be there

Covid is a zoonotic disease but it’s not a type of influenza

It’s his turn