for men to wish to be a woman
That not everyone secretly wanted to be a woman.
Well, not the women, obviously, because they’re already women.
Lucky bastards.
Oof yup that was a doozy
I’m still not entirely convinced tbh. I mean women are cute and just great and men are…
Men can be great too, and being a man has lots of perks (beyond even those imposed by patriarchy). Look for allies and you will find them in all gender flavours.
oh for sure. Wasn’t being serious, dysphoria is there and makes me basically think of existing as a man as hell and finding out that’s not everyone was interesting to say the least.
Homophobia
I was raised in a right wing, rural area, and i didn’t meet a gay person til higschool. When he said he was gay, i assumed he was joking.
Im trans now lol
Small towns are terrible for this. And racism
There’s a reason cities are more liberal. Turns out being surrounded by different cultures, races, sexualities, and beliefs shows you that maybe they’re not so different. In a town of 15k middle American white folks, it’s hard to see another culture equally, let alone at all.
Same thing with college. There’s no such thing as a liberal or democratic college. It’s just that people are simply surrounded by other people. You learn all of those weird rules and things you were taught don’t actually hold up, and that everyone is kind of the same
Grew up semi-rural south and same thing but my parents took me to see The Birdhouse for some reason (I was 14) and I was like “OH!”
Not gay myself, but thankfully I did not grow up to be the bigoted person my parents wanted me to be.
it was semi-common in the early 2000s in cities, but not anymore after 2010.
I remember one day realizing it was odd that my dad would hug my mom but my mom would never hug him back. She would just stand there and let him hug her. Yeah he was an abusive husband and I was very happy for her when she finally left him after over a decade!
Knee pain. Everyone told me it was normal growing pains, until one little league coach notice I run weird. Queue years of doctors and specialists and tests and scans and surgeries, and now I’m a 40 something guy with advanced arthritis that could have been much much worse if left untreated.
way to go attentive little league coach!
also wtf parents?
“Well it’s not hurting me so it can’t be that bad.”
My parents took me to see doctors, who told them it was just growing pains and suggested I exercise more to lose weight. I saw three specialists and had a bunch of xrays before anyone noticed the shady spots on my cartilage. Osteochondritis Dissecans occurs in 15-30 people out of 100,000, and most of the primary care doctors I’ve had in my life had never heard of it.
I can’t blame my parents for that. I can blame them for a lot of things, but they did their best.
Getting locked in the basement without water, or thrown out into the streets for half a day, when you misbehaved as a child.
If I may ask, where are you from?
Germany
deleted by creator
I mean, yeah? Is that really so bad. I guess it depends what the intent was. The town I grew up in was pretty tame, and the room I’d get locked in without food or water if I’d misbehaved had books
Today you are learning it’s not normal to lock children away with no food or water.
yes, that is a form of child abuse
I was locked outside of the house for long periods of time and had to drink from the garden hose / garden faucet, and pee in the bushes. We also had like 10+ apple trees. It wasn’t that bad. A bit boring sometimes.
But that’s because it was outside and I could get my needs covered and meet friends.
Locked inside without these needs covered for extended periods is a lot worse in my opinion. Even cats and dogs have those needs covered.
It’s also about the lack of freedom when locked inside.
I would not treat my own children like I was treated, and especially not like you were.
Yeah, I just remember it being boring too. I’m also not really a person who can’t go a few hours without water, so I never felt I was being neglected.
I dont think I’d lock my kid indoors, but I do admit that when it happened to me after I’d been fighting my siblings or something, it was just treated as a time where I would chill out and read a book to wind down. Once dinner was ready, I’d get called for dinner, and everything seemed normal.
So I’d probably try to create a cool down zone with my kids if I ever have them, maybe a comfy chair they’re not allowed to leave for a few hours?
Children (humans) should always have access to clean water. That is not normal in the slightest. A time out shouldn’t include torture.
I agree that “people should have access to clean water”. Let’s not confuse sending a child to their room to wind down when they’re throwing a fit with torture.
No one takes harm from lack of water in a mild climate over the course of a couple hours. The reason it’s bad to lock a kid in the basement (or any other room) is that you’re taking away their freedom (which may be, to some point, justified and correct) and potentially making it harder for them to trust you. However, kids also need to learn that there are limits to how you can behave, and consequences for breaking those limits. Where the limit between “reasonable consequences for teaching children” and “trust-breaking punishment” lies is a fair discussion to have. No need to pull “locking a kid in their room is torture” into it.
I don’t think it counts as locking them away without food or water if they don’t become thirsty or hungry while grounded. Grounding my son for an hour, technically he has no water or food, but if he asked for it I’d give it to him.
Exactly “locking away without food or water” makes it sound like the time perspective we’re talking about is long enough that access to food and water are necessary within that time span.
I would say you should never lock away a kid for so long that they need access to food and water at all.
No, that’s mostly fair, and it wasn’t my point to state that sending a kid to their room equals torture. But I hope you can understand that witholding water is not a good thing, ever. Kids might not express (or fleven feel) the thirst. And that can definitely be a bad thing. Take into account possible emotions that involve crying or just warm weather etc. and they could easily get dehydrated. Losing just a few % of bodyweight water can be negatively impacting already.
We seem to agree here: I’m by no means advocating that you should ever explicitly withhold water from a thirsty kid. I just think a lot of people here have gone over-the-top regarding how horrible it is to send a kid to their room without putting a bottle of water in there first. It’s not like feeling thirsty for a bit or getting slightly dehydrated is in any way detrimental to anyone’s health. People get thirsty and lightly dehydrated all the time, either on hiking trips or because they forgot to bring water for something that lasts a while.
The important thing, as I see it, is that you never put the kid in a situation where they honestly begin to doubt whether you care about their well-being and are going to look after them.
I think how rough the punishment is really depends on how long you strand the child for
half a day seems like peanuts though – though I guess it really does depend how the kid feels about it
Dude no! Like a 15 minute time out is ok. But if they ask for water they should be given it. Locked away alone in a room without supervision for hours? No. That is not normal. At all.
Like a 15 minute time out is ok.
Locked in a room or locked out of the house? That is not okay, regardless of how long it is.
I think they meant standing in the corner or sitting in a chair for the duration of the timeout
Tbh I think even such a thing is not that great for children. Certainly not traumatic or close to it, but just not very effective I would guess.
Please dont ever have children. This is sick.
The only acceptable intent would be something like saving your child from a murderer assaulting your family and there not being enough time for supplies.
Average lemmy.ml user be like:
I mean, yeah? Is that really so bad. I guess it depends what the intent was. The town I grew up in was pretty tame, and the room I’d get locked in without food or water if I’d misbehaved had books
I don’t know if this counts, but when I was little I’d go to friends houses, then later in high school to my first serious girlfriends house, and I remember their families were like… loving? I loved spending time at my girlfriends house especially, hanging out with her Mom and her Dad even if my gf wasn’t there. They were so nice, and you could tell had genuine affection for their children (and to some degree, me). I miss you Mr. and Mrs. Miller!
That’s me. I had no idea other families were affectionate and said crazy stuff like, “I love you.” My god, they even hug.
To this day I struggle with affection, even though I love it. If you touch me unexpectedly I’ll involuntarily flinch. I don’t mind, at all, but I still jerk and can’t help it.
I think my family was the same but I turned out cuddly, maybe the difference was the cats?
Heh that was my experience too. But I grew up with a single parent who spent all his time working, so most people’s childhoods weren’t spent climbing 5 floors of scaffolding for fun
Met my partner and was astounded by her loving family
Being unable to think of something without a prompt.
I guess most people can just remember things without sticky notes and calendars.
What are you, an LLM?
I might be. Give me a topic and I’ll spew out all sorts of obscure trivia, but until you mention it, I don’t know that any of it exists.
Is that a challenge? Tell me what you know about Living Card Games without looking it up!
So, “Living” card games doesn’t mean anything to me, but you did trigger card games in general, which could take me a while. I’ve probably spent a majority of my waking life playing Magic, Poker, Hearthstone, Silver, Smash up, and various other card games. Most recently, I’m obsessed with Balatro.
That being said…
Are you about to open a Pandoras box by making me look up Living Card Games?
Mate, if you’re into CCGs, you really missed out by not getting into LCGs! Android:Netrunner, a remake of the original Netrunner from the 90s is the absolute GOAT CG out there with a close second being the Doomtown:Reloaded (which I helped design). Basically it was CGs without the luck/gambling. Just get all the cards and make exactly all the decks you want.
Unfortunately Netrunner and Doomtown run out of steam half a decade ago, but they’re still developed by their fans, but usually the only way to play them consistently is online in places such as Jinteki.net. There’s a few others still in production, but iirc they’re co-operative ones, like Arkham Horror
Lol I played Wizard 101 with my kids. I had the most amazing solo life/balance deck.
I was maining the most jank exile /chess deck you’ve ever seen. I called it homeless kasparov
I really like netrunner but I can’t find anyone to play with (I prefer in person opponents). It is also the first thing that comes to mind when I think of living card games.
Linux
In high school, my friend ran Linux. I was over at his house and he had to go take a shit or something, and I was trying to see what games he had on his computer. When he got back he asked what the hell I did because he now has to reboot, and we’re going to have to watch it do that for the next half hour. And penguins and hats.
That’s pretty much everything I ever needed to know about Linux.
I call myself mlm: mediocre language model
Hopefully not engaging in Multi Level Marketing
I teach you some words, and then you teach some words to your friends, and they teach some words to their friends…
AI trained on AI trained on AI trained on AI… Etc etc., quality degrading all the way down.
Genuinely. This is sadly how my memory works. It’s gotten better since I had a partner who I would talk to everyday with the inane question, “so how was your day?”
Then suddenly I had to learn how to summarize recent aspects of my life.
And then you’re like, “shit, that happened to me today? shouldn’t I be angry about that?”i have approximate knowledge of many things; accessing it without the right trigger may take a while though.
i know i know something but i have accepted that my brain will often only grant me access days later in a completely unrelated situation 🤷🏼♂️
You ADHD? I was almost 40 before I learned about inattentive type ADHD. As far as I knew, ADHD was spastic kids that couldn’t sit still. Since I was more of the daydream and fall asleep type, I never would have thought I was part of that crowd.
Pretty sure, yes.
I’m over 40 and i’ve had this and many other symptoms my entire life.
No official diagnose though; but this 160 questions-test for example says i’m pretty high up there: https://www.adxs.org/en
I’m also the daydream and fall asleep type ☺️
Undiagnosed adults club!
This is me to a large degree. Give me a cue and a whole encyclopedia is at your fingertips. Just say think of something and I’m at a loss.
You can actually train for this!
You can train yourself to become more attuned to your interoception. This will make it easier to identify internal prompts like anxiety or hunger. In fact, a friend of mine was studying to become a psychotherapist and last year had me serve as a guinea pig for interoception interventions. In summary, if you find mindfulness practices that involve your body and your own thoughts, you’ll be more attuned to your interoception. Things like active meditations can help a lot. You can check out evidence-based and peer-reviewed programs like Healthy Minds.
You can train yourself not just to notice your interoception, but also to use interoception to build habits. I suspect this is what the people who do not use external prompts (like stickies) do: they have habits that kick in with not-so-evident prompts. They could be using something called an ‘action prompt’ or an ‘internal prompt’. I’m using the language of Tiny Habits because it’s helpful in this context.
Tiny Habits can teach you how to create habits of all kinds, whether you use external, action, or internal prompts. Tiny Habits prefers prompts that are actions (e.g. “After I put the toothbrush down then I will pick up the dental floss”). But internal prompts are perfectly viable (e.g. “When I feel the heat on my skin and the tension in my jaw, I will describe my inner emotions to myself as if I was listening to a good friend”).
You can understand cues and habits more in depth with contextual behavior analysis. CBA or a qualified professional can help us notice when we struggle to pay attention because of conditions like ADHD or anxiety. Something else that CBA can reveal is that, sometimes, we struggle to pay attention because we haven’t developed the mental information highways that can make our thoughts flow freely. Things like relational frame training can help us build those highways faster. Another option is to learn to think visibly (Harvard’s Project Zero) about our everyday life, so that we build dense information highways that we can later use in daily life.
Of course, the fact is that plenty of humans use external prompts deliberately to help them coordinate and remember things. There’s a reason Scrum boards and Kanban are so popular. There’s a reason calendar apps and Getting Things Done are so popular. There’s a reason many societies have daily, weekly, or yearly rituals. You’re among friends :)
We are normal, it’s the others who are weird
Singing to me the song of my people. Where you all at?!
Omg, this is me. I thought I was alone. I love all you people in this thread, FAM!
Same
Excruciating period pain that would leave me fainting and vomiting every. Single. Time.
“Every girl goes through this” said the doctor, convincing my parents that I was just “dramatic”.
Turns out I had huge polyps growing out of control! Left scarring in my uterus and high-risk when pregnant.
Dealt with that hell every fucking month since I was 11 until I got onto birth control in my 20s.
Poor you! It must have been terribly frustrating that the doctor wouldn’t take you seriously. Seems to be a frequent thing women go through in the medical world. Hope you’re okay now.
Thank you.
Birth control was my savior and actively allowed me enjoy life again. 💕
Amazing! I wish it worked for my GF but that gave her (we found out very late), terrible side effects.
My wife went through something similar. Took until she was in her 30s and we were pursuing IVF for someone to take her seriously and actually do the investigation to realize she had crazy scarring from endometriosis causing all kinds of issues.
It’s insane to me how much the modern medical community seems to normalize or straight up ignore this shit, like you said.
I realize we could have pushed harder, but when multiple doctors tell you “yeah, some women just experience periods differently, here’s 500mg Naproxen to help you through” you tend to believe it.
I’m so sorry. I hope that the two of you are doing well.
It’s an actual tragedy how women’s health is dealt with. They get brushed off because “women have been giving birth for hundreds of thousands of years!”, ignoring that it’s the number one thing that kills women!! So our reproductive health and concerns are ignored while the ability to reproduce is put onto a pedestal.
I fucking hate it.
My pop history theory is that it’s a latent cultural memory of the Biblical tradition. Remember how Eve was cursed with the pain of childbirth after giving Adam the fruit? Western culture has a history of seeing women’s pain as a result of this ancient curse. Now, I imagine few doctors today are explicitly thinking about the Garden of Eden when diagnosing patients, but the cultural memory remains, if greatly diluted and distorted.
alot of doctors are jaded asf, even to the point of laughing you out of thier office. i think women are often ignored for symptoms of pain.
Sucks when doctors just assume things, it can cost lives.
It’s barbaric. They assume that if you’re girl/woman, most problems are basically “female hysteria”!
Not even “it could be [blank], you might want to keep an eye on that and report back if it doesn’t go away.” Nope! Diagnosis: dramatic.
And women die from this shit. Or become disabled / handicapped. Or it affects their long-term future if they want children. It’s awful.
Some people did a thing with a specially configured tens machine where the woman would turn it the levels up and up until it was at the level of their normal period pain and then the man would go through the same levels stages and be gasping and writhing before it got there.
Turns out men have been massively underestimating period pain for centuries.
That said, some women experienced far, far higher levels than normal and were encouraged to take that data to a non-dismissive healthcare professional.
As a dude, I want to believe that it’s less than it is because that’s just wholly unreasonable that women have to put up with that.
They’re were a lot of men who insisted on immediate medical attention who got told that their partners had tried that and absolutely nothing would come of it.
Hey, I know this is random, but was the pain, like, in the lower abdomen and like… Not really a muscle cramp, but deeper?And did physical activty make it better or worse? Asking for a friend. 👀
Pain was deep, ye. Can’t answer the question about physical activity because it rendered me unable to do any! But, yes, exerting any kind of physical effort seemed to make it worse.
I would lie on the cold bathroom floor every month with a heating pad / hot water bottle on my stomach, but it gave little relief through the simultaneous hot flashes and cold sweats.
Two things that actually helped somewhat if I could catch it hours before it started were: eating bananas (I suspect potassium helped with cramping), and, weirdly… drinking pickle juice. Idk what that was about, but it worked.
But have “your friend” get checked for endometriosis and PCOS!!! That shit can actually escape your uterus and scar up / destroy your other organs!!! No joke!!!
She might just do that because your experience sounds very similar to her “stories.” She also can’t move when it happens and is left pretty hobbled until it passes, but moving makes it worse… So I’ve heard. 👀
Social democracy
In general the political system you grow up in seems to becomes a normalcy in your mind when in reality there’s so many different ways of governing
Most fish probably never even realize that water exists till they are yanked out of it by the fisher’s net
Good analogy haha
Not everyone has tics they must surpress while in public.
Why is there no helpful suggestion under this comment? I have multiple tics too and I want someone to tell me “just sprinkle some cinnamon on your ass and they will go away!”
Have you tried sprinkling cinnamon on your ass?
It hurt to learn this
Apparently, it isn’t normal to just space out during a test. Yeah, I went through K-12, undergrad, and grad school with an undiagnosed learning disability. This was only one of the symptoms…
wait, it isn’t normal?
I’ve never been diagnosed with a learning disability and I would often space out sometimes during a test. The brain gets tired and needs a break/reset before going back to the task. Now, if it was constant or for long periods of time, maybe that’s different? I’m not a doctor and this person didn’t specify.
This was a really recent realization for me. I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.
I grew up thinking it was normal for grown men to be attracted to little girls. My mother had a habit of pointing out random men who just happened to be around and telling me they were staring at me/thinking about how beautiful I was/in love with my/trying to look up my skirt. The way she talked about it made it seem like it was a common, acceptable thing.
What, and I cannot emphasize this enough, the fuck
I think she had undiagnosed mental issues, tbh.
I hope things are better for you now x
Yeah, I realized as an adult that most grown men actually aren’t interested in kids.
As a man, I was worried about that growing up, but the women I’m attracted to has aged with me. I’m friends with some women under 30 from the dog park, and I can appreciate they’re pretty but they also look like kids. I hope they meet nice guys around their age.
So it wasn’t just my mom.
I really wonder where they got this from! Strangely enough, when I was a teen and actually starting to get inappropriate attention from men, she would never believe that it happened.
holy crap I hope you got out of that situation quick, this should NOT be normalized
My heart breaks for you in this
My mother
…WAT…
What in the fuck 🤮
It was not your fault. <3
Thanks.
Reading.
Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can’t do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority – 54% – read at or below a 6th grade level.
I’ve been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn’t force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.
It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can’t. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.
I can’t imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have seen how much bullshit I write in a day; I’d go absolutely bats.
