I’m gay. I’m agender, and I like enbies better than men and women.
The other day in an argument I got frustrated with someone and told them to call me a homophobic slur. One part sarcasm, one part hoping they’d actually do it and get in trouble. Instead, I got punished for using the word. I wasn’t expecting that, because I’m gay. If I call myself a f-----, I didn’t think that was anyone else’s problem.
Was I right? Is it okay for me to use that word, talking about myself?
I think there are two conflicting strategies at play here.
First is common decency. You just don’t say things that might offend people. All in all, a great strategy for everyday use.
But there’s also when a group “takes back” their slurs and starts using them in a friendly way. They are essentially taking power away from those words. Maliciously calling someone a particular slur doesn’t hurt so much when they call each other that every day. It’s a good technique to disarm those who hate you.
But, then you have group A trying not to say these words and group B trying to “flood the market and reduce it’s value” it creates a line of division. YOU can’t say this word, but WE will, because we’re trying to popularize and neuter it.
Neither is doing anything wrong, it’s just two groups with the same goal, (no more hurtful slurs) but they are pushing against each other.
I don’t think it really “takes power” away from those words. Take the N word for example, the “Hard-R” variant of a word uttured by a racist white man is still hurtful.
For sure, any words coming from hate will be hurtful.
As far as the effectiveness of the taking it back system, 🤷🏻♂️ Not my place to have an opinion on that. If the affected people want to do that, I support them. If they don’t agree, I support that too.