• sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works
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      5 days ago

      Not closeted people, just those in denial. If you’re in the closet, that means you’re scared of coming out, whereas someone who’s in denial has some unhealthy reason to want to not be gay that leads them to hate that part of themselves.

      • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
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        5 days ago

        ahh, so much better

        How about we just attack homophobic people for being homophobic, instead of using gay as an insult in a roundabout way of calling them a hypocrite?

        • Mrs_deWinter@feddit.org
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          5 days ago

          As a queer person I never understood this

          They are not being attacked for being gay. They are specifically attacked for being homophobic.

          TERFS are also not being attacked for being women, nor is attacking TERFS an attack against all women either.

          Attacking someone who’s bi or homosexual in denial and overcompensating that with hatred says absolutely nothing about gay people as a whole, or implies in any way that being gay is problematic.

          And to be completely honest here, it feels kinda presumptuous the way this is being argued. Almost like it shouldn’t be allowed to criticise someone gay for any reason at all. Queer people are a very diverse group of people and obviously we have assholes, too. It’s not doing anyone a favor if we act like that’s impossible.

          • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
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            5 days ago

            They are specifically attacked for being homophobic.

            No, they are attacked for (assumingly) being gay

            • Mrs_deWinter@feddit.org
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              5 days ago

              Maybe you and I are having different conversations then. I’ve never experienced it being taken this way.

              • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
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                4 days ago

                I’ve never experienced it being taken this way

                But you have, that’s what the entire discussion is about.

                • Mrs_deWinter@feddit.org
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                  4 days ago

                  No, it’s about the misunderstanding that it might be meant this way. I don’t think most commenters here are actually homophobic.

                  But look, obviously I can’t know for sure how other people mean it when they say it, but I can when I’m the one talking.

                  I’m bisexual. Bisexuality is a normal and beautiful part of the spectrum of human sexuality, and anyone who has something against it is a certified moron.

                  I personally think that many homophobic people are bisexual (or gay) and in horrible, hateful denial.

                  I don’t think their queerness is to blame, but specifically their harmful behavior. I don’t think their queerness is the reason either, but nothing but good old sexism and heteronormativity. I still think that their queerness is part of an explanation, since it leads them to this horrible internal misunderstanding that sexuality is a choice. I don’t think all homophobes are queer, obviously some are straight, but I think it’s a significant portion of the most spiteful and publicly active ones. And again, them being (allegedly) queer is not what’s problematic about them in the slightest. It’s their homophobic behaviour.

                  I’ve yet to see an example of someone who actually blames homosexuality or the queer community for homophobia in this argument, just people claiming that this is what’s somehow happening.

                  • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
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                    4 days ago

                    I don’t think most commenters here are actually homophobic.

                    But they’re doing homophobia, trying to use the hate of a bigot against them is still using hate.

                    I don’t think their queerness is to blame, but specifically their harmful behavior

                    Which is why that should be called out, instead of a puerile “lol u gay” that misses the mark on every plain bigot.

                    I’ve yet to see an example of someone who actually blames homosexuality or the queer community for homophobia in this argument, just people claiming that this is what’s somehow happening.

                    That’s what the entire argument supports, calling every homophobe a queer in denial is literally placing the blame of bigotry on the targets of hate, all while providing a convenient smokescreen for every genuinely straight homophobe.

                    Focusing on the whatever% of bigots in denial is a red herring because it excludes all those not in denial and places the blame on gay people, along with being homophobic because a bigot being gay or not has zero impact on if their bigotry is acceptable.

        • Brave Little Hitachi Wand@feddit.uk
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          5 days ago

          I just wish there was a clean way to diss them for weaponising their self-hatred. If you think of a really pithy insult for people who externalise their negative feelings, please share with the rest of us, it’s badly needed.

          • abbotsbury@lemmy.world
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            5 days ago

            weaponising their self-hatred

            But it’s also just regular hatred, same reason you can’t call racist people the N word.

            Even if there was a slur for hypocrites, that’s still just an ad hominem instead of attacking them for their behavior (the actual problem)

            • stray@pawb.social
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              5 days ago

              But if there were a slur for hypocrites that word would by definition be attacking them for their behavior since hypocrisy is a behavioral choice and not an element of personal identity.

              I’ve actually heard “coon” from a black leftist to refer to black conservatives who try to protect themselves by being “one of the good ones” in the eyes of right-wing racists. The term isn’t something I’m comfortable using myself as a white person, but I don’t think it’s problematic or racist because it’s directed at their harmful behavior and not their skin color.