When basically all dating apps are owned by the same company (Match Group), you get enshittification of all of them.
Their goal is to get repeat customers, which is the polar opposite of what people actually want from these types of apps.
Found my wife on Hinge - it actually felt like an app to match with people you’d like. Having to actually comment on the profile instead of swipe left or right based on the feel really helped.
Owned by Match Group as of 2019
You are not wrong. There seems to be a similar level of responses too.
Dating apps got so much worse too. A couple of years ago i would always get a bunch of matches and maybe a third of them would actually be interested to talk. Now i get like a match a month or so and it’s mainly for attention. Yeah sorry i’m not gonna wait a few days to get a “yes” back.
Definitely. I’ve had more jobs through applications (2) than dates through apps (0) ^^ The best I’ve got was an extended conversation with a guy who seemed kind
You’re talking to guys AND not getting dates? I need to rethink my worldview
i get what you’re saying, you match with other guys all the time but being on one wavelength with one is a different story. i guess i just wasn’t made for these apps.
For me it’s the exact opposite. Job applications are the closest I’ll ever get to experiencing what it must be like to be a woman on online dating.
I’m an old so I remember dating apps before smartphones. People with physical keyboards wrote long messages, like emails and letters. You could really get to know someone’s personality. This worked well for me because my sense of humor is absurdist and you need to know my values to know that I’m joking when I say something off-beat.
That just doesn’t work over short text message-style comms. So I can’t be funny. I can’t make a joke about voting for a terrible policy if I have to explain that it’s a joke because that’s not funny. But if I’ve revealed to you a bunch of things that matter to me and then claim to want the opposite, you know I’m being sarcastic and it’s fine. Oh well. I’m lucky enough to be in a great relationship despite the dating apps sucking much worse now.
Then there are the articles about how dating apps have deliberately made themselves worse to keep people paying for subscriptions… I’ve seen at least one and I’ve heard people talk about this on a podcast, I think. I may be misremembering. I consume a lot of media about how much capitalism and humanity create worse and worse systems.
Good luck to anyone who’s searching. I got your back.
The problem is not that people are typing on phones… It’s that all of the apps are now driven by profit-maximizing algorithms instead of algorithms that try to find your best match. OkCupid used to be the best dating site hands down because of the match percentage from the questions, but now it’s just Different Tinder. You can still have great heartfelt conversations on mobile dating apps, it’s just harder now.
I logged into OKC after not being on there for years.
What the actual fuck? It doesn’t even make sense now
OkC is how I found my girlfriend because it let me know a lot of important info (demi/ace, no kids, looking for long term, match %) before I even tried matching with them. I got to be picky.
From what I hear, they got rid of every useful feature and turned it to shit.
Yeah it’s pretty disappointing. Their analytics blog used to be awesome too, tons of cool insights and it was obvious that they knew what they were doing. I assume the entire operation got bought up by VC money in the gold rush of Tinder clones.
While you’re right and my post addressed the same failure / bullshit, writing a long message as an opener would be seen as strange today. It’s not the typical format and would trigger a red-flag for a lot of people. I’m talking six paragraphs, which was how I used to open comms before smartphone apps.
That just makes it a more effective filter for what you’re looking for. Many people on the apps aren’t interested in a long text conversation and would rather get to know each other in person. If you prefer conversing online for a while, then count it as a win if someone ignores or unmatches you for sending them a long message.
OkC seems to think I’m an absolute Adonis by Indian Ocean trade corridor standards, got hit up by folks from Uganda to Iran to India to Cambodia to Indonesia.
Thing kept insisting on showing my profile in those regions apparently despite me pretty consistently searching exclusively in the Northeast of the US.
Idk, my step dad met my mom in the 90s by taking out a personal ad in the paper. It said, in full (minus A/S/L and contact info):
“Can’t dance, won’t cook, never had a job. Frog seeks princess.”
He was a resteraunt manager back then, idk if he can dance tho… probably not. So it can be done in a text-length message. It’s rare to find a good match that way though (and they weren’t!), because it’s very little to go on.
At least with job applications they tell you they want someone with 5 years Java experience. In dating no one tell you what they want.
they tell you they want someone with 5 years Java experience.
Or 6 years of experience with that framework that’s 3 years old which is par for the course for dating apps; unrealistic standards.
This was from two years ago:
deleted by creator
It would be nice if they said anything.
“Dogs, Travel, Tacos.” Isn’t a profile and yet 80% of the profiles I see are basically that, or “just ask.”
Dating apps are a fucking shit show.
I was on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge for the last 6 months.
I was genuinely trying to put my best foot forward, be kind, genuine and actually wanted to meet someone. I’m kinda sick of being single after breaking up from a long term relationship last year.
I tried every strategy and technique.
More info on my profile / Less info on my profile. More group pics/ more pics of just me. Being funnier / being more sincere.
I even paid for Tinder plus and Bumble plus.
Did I get a single date from any of these apps? Nope. But I did get ghosted. Unmatched. Ignored. Etc etc countless fucking times.
It absolutely fucked my mental health. My brain is in a good place now after a long time with trying different medications and therapy etc. I like the person I am. I know I have a lot to offer in a relationship. But fuck if my self esteem and mental state didn’t take a nosedive after being on these apps. Putting so much time and effort into presenting yourself as well as you can, putting best foot forward etc and getting zero interest back, it really makes you question who you are and even your value as person.
I fucking hate it.
So yeah, I’m still single. I don’t see that changing any time soon.
For context btw, I’m 189cm / 6’2" tall, 100KG / 220lbs, healthy, active guy in my twenties. I’m in a comp sci college course. I drive, have an income, savings, go to the gym 4 times a week etc In other words, I tick enough boxes/ do all the things, that are supposed to help find a match on these apps. But even with all that said, 6 months and zero dates. I don’t even know anymore. I deleted my accounts on these the other day and I advise others to do the same. The chances of you actually finding someone you like and have chemistry with is basically zero at this stage. Plus the enshitification is rife. They push the premium subscriptions so fucking hard but in the end, they don’t help you find matches or dates. It’s worth noting that Tinder wants to keep you on the app. You deleting it after finding love is bad for business as far as they are concerned. I just wish more people would realize this.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Did I get a single date from any of these apps? Nope. But I did get ghosted. Unmatched. Ignored. Etc etc countless fucking times.
Food digging: When restaurants use fake dating profiles to get customers through the door
The idea is to organise a “date” with a victim who then gets stood up but inevitably ends up buying something at the restaurant anyway.
I agree. My mental health takes huge nose dives when I use dating apps. I’ve had great experience IRL and even use friends and their partners sometimes to curate messages so that I know I’m not fucking up. My longest streak was 16 dates consecutively of being stood up. Each was a different woman, no repeat dates or responses after being stood up. Man does it blow. The rejection just happens so frequently and in rapid succession that I can’t stand it.
I also tick a lot of boxes that people present on those apps but for whatever reason my luck is pretty piss. Usually if I actually manage a date we end up at least seeing each other for some time but getting to that point seems nigh impossible through the apps
Thanks for sharing your experience!! I really appreciate the long genuine post. There’s a lot everyone can learn from your experience.
Dating apps are the most obvious version of the commodification of love.
the toxicity of our city
You, what do you own the world?
Damn it, I came here to say that!
that song is where this phrase found its way into my vocabulary - didn’t expect it to be that recognizable. makes sense tho as the correct expression would probably just be “pastime” whereas “pastime activity” is unique to this song
Way back they had these free dating classifieds in a local city paper. So I wrote mine in a bit self debasing manner and he wrote his like he was trying to bs his way into a job. Later I got calls and he did not and he was like. wtf. you get calls with your ad saying your fat and lazy. Just for the record I did not say that (he was colorfully paraphrasing) but I did say that I don’t excersise while talking about likeing to be active and how I like more relaxed things. Anway I explained it to him in some way why this was so but to colorfully paraphrase its because mine seemed genuine (and indeed it was) while his seemed like bullshit (and indeed it was). I actually do that somewhat with cover letters for jobs. Are there girls and or jobs that will not respond. Sure. But those are likely ones I don’t want anyway. They likely suck. and not in a good way.
Job sites make money when you get a job. Companies pay a lot to get staffing vacancies filled. Recruiters and agencies cost a lot, so an online job board can literally get thousands of dollars sometimes for helping g facilitate a hire. This is how it should be.
But with dating sites, it does not work this way. There is no deep-pocketed business customer willing to pay a lot for making a match. Just two people with subscriptions, and that’s the company’s entire revenue.
I highly doubt that dating sites consciously try to prevent you from finding a mate because this will earn them more money. But I have to admit that the incentive structure is unhealthy.
This is how it should be.
It sets up a kind of moral hazard in the same way dating sites do. Which is to say, it creates an incentive for churn. Yes, I want you to get matched with an employer/partner, but no I don’t want that match to be permanent. I want it to last some period of time, before I reach out and lure you on to another pairing.
I highly doubt that dating sites consciously try to prevent you from finding a mate because this will earn them more money.
Both recruiting sites and dating sites are constantly trying to engage your attention with tempting offers to switch to someone new. This is because they generate money based on short-term placements rather than long-term matches.
The ideal form of recruiter is functionally just a temp agency. Similarly, the ideal form of dating site is just an online brothel. Different time scale but functionally the same game.
I have been thinking about trying online dating again. Not really looking forward to it because I expect it to be a mess.
I think I’ll try a very minimalist approach on my profile because most people read profiles looking for reasons to reject. If I don’t give many possible reasons to reject then I should increase the pool of people to date. In theory, anyway.
please be careful dude, it’s mega bad for your mental well being and especially your self worth
Thanks. I’ve done it before and you are correct, there are some real assholes out there. I might get better results if I pony up some cash for a site or service.
Not to be overly pessimistic, but paying for dating apps doesn’t do much. Maybe you get a slight advantage, but don’t expect a huge difference.
The point about these dating apps is to make you desperate enough to pay. But once you pay they don’t want you to find someone and be done with it. No, they want to keep you in the app as long as possible, especially when you’ve proven you’re willing to pay.
Exactly this. Also it used to be that you would buy a subscription and that would increase the rate and quality of your matches. That’s no longer the case. Now it’s all transaction based. You have to pay for boosts, special swipes and shit to be seen.
Interesting.
I was thinking along the lines of eharmony where (I think?) everyone pays to play. I understand the ploy you describe exists and I do want to avoid that shit.
Then you’ll be rejected for being too boring
Probably. Valid point.
Having faced similar rejection stats in both, can confirm, and in fact I pointed this out to a relative of mine who works in hiring assistance.
She was at least able to assure me that my resume and interview were not the problem, but honestly I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse, I know it isn’t me, but now I also know there’s literally nothing I can do to beat the trend.
A job that possibly provides you with a sex buddy and/or life partner.
Someone’s not having special meetings with their boss
