I discover the crashed F35 in my lone walk in the woods. As I start to take it apart for parts, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Lockheed. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the feds come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Lockheed to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the F35
Trade it in for a boatload of pepsi points.
Two chicks at the same time
Thats it? If you had a fighter jet, you’d do two chicks at the same time?
Chicks love fighter jets
Well, not all chicks love fighter jets
Well, the type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do
If you don’t like fighter jets then you ain’t a chick
And it’s really hard to have sex in a fighter jet. It’s not exactly a roomy interior.
For having sex, the best experience is a minivan.
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Just a reminder, the last guy to fly it took the seat with him.
Since it tricked the pilot into ejecting, I assume it’s gone feral and is still buzzing around looking for a mate. If I didn’t have a big net to snag it in, I’d have to build a wooden decoy or perhaps just leave a paddling pool full of jet fuel out in a clearing. I’d keep my distance at first and try to gain it’s trust.
Call Kenny Loggins.
I’d go to the beach because I am somehow in South Carolina.
Also, I guess call the USAF and report the location.
Maybe they’d give me a ride to the beach as a thank you…
Treat that mid thirties lady to a nice relaxing spa day. Somewhere romantic, lots of targets and no hard deck.
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I’d steal the pilot SOB’s glasses. So long, sucka! Nice half a jet you got there, corpse-looking bastard. haHAA
haha
Me? I would defect to Ukraine and really weird them out.
I’d stare at it and touch it. I obviously can’t fly one so it’s not much use to me.
I’d take a picture cause no one would believe me.
I’ve got like 50h in flight simulator, I’m sure I could take it for a spin, what could go wrong.
First thing you do is hit the eject seat button.
Is it wrecked or perfect?
If perfect: I’d totally try flying it. Probably crash, but it would be worth it to see how good all those flight sims where I’ve flown an F-35 stand up to reality.
Is it wrecked or perfect?
The pilot ejected…so the first one.
Scrapping it for parts. Though I’m not sure how to get in contact with black markets that would want the weapons. 🤔
The hard part isn’t getting in contact with them.
It’s doing so without also being tried and executed for treason
Invade Serbia
Assuming I could figure out how to turn that thing on, I would definitely:
- Take off
- Go to maximum velocity
- Burn out all the fuel
- Acknowledge that I have no idea of where or how to land
- Look for the button to the ejection seat
- Glide down towards the equator
- Eyeball the necessary altitude
- Push the button
- Pull the parachute cord
- Flip both the birds
- Land on a beach
- Walk up to the bar
- Ask for a beer
- Run from the bill
This one doesn’t have an ejection seat, remember?
Sit in the cockpit and make plane, missile, and machine gun noises since I don’t even know how to turn one on let alone fly it.
Pretty sure this one comes without a seat, and the aftermarket prices are ridiculius!
