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bees@sh.itjust.works to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 10 天前

Vampires are from Jersey

sh.itjust.works

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Vampires are from Jersey

sh.itjust.works

bees@sh.itjust.works to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 10 天前
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  • ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml
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    10 天前

    Beach.

    There’s no need to call me names, buddy

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      I would watch a sitcom about the most unlucky vampire who still manages to survive somehow.

      • ThePantser@sh.itjust.works
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        10 天前

        What we do in the shadows

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          10 天前

          Huh, I never thought of it that way. Good take. Also, Matt Berry is a treasure.

  • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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    10 天前

    Off topic, but it paints a grisly picture of humanity that all vampires have higher standards for consent than many humans.

    • hansolo@lemm.ee
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      10 天前

      Seriously.

      One vampire Dev pops “by clicking agree, you consent to vampires entering your home.” Into line 57842368 of the Instagram/FB TOS and suddenly it’s a feeding frenzy…

      …How does one sell a script to Black Mirror?

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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        10 天前

        Dystopian technofeudalist vampire is now one of my favorite new tropes. Thank you.

        • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          10 天前

          Peter Thiel has never felt so appreciated…

          • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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            10 天前

            He’s why I have a crucifix-shaped wifi jammer nailed to my headboard.

            • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              10 天前

              Oh THAT’S why? I thought it was a kink thing…

              • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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                10 天前

                I never said it wasn’t. Maybe I just get off on antagonizing billionaire vampires.

        • andros_rex@lemmy.world
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          10 天前

          Bryan Johnson makes it somewhat literal.

          • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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            10 天前

            I had completely forgotten about that. Thanks for bringing it back up. These people are literally parasites.

      • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
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        10 天前

        Plus, there’s a (kind of) precedent. All you’d have to do is plan it for April fool’s day.

    • qarbone@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      A “standard” implies it’s a societal norm they’re participating in, rather than a supernatural compulsion they’re restricted by.

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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        10 天前

        That’s a good point. Perhaps they’re instead restricted by a social code of honor and limited empathy. Like they could come in against your will, but most won’t because it’s a shameful violation of vampire ethics, and they would feel bad about it.

        • qarbone@lemmy.world
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          10 天前

          I mean, sure. But that’s some supernatural ability to compartmentalize.

          “I’ll drain the blood from your veins in a fit of bestial hunger but I won’t just…enter your house uninvited. I’m a monster, not an animal.”

          • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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            10 天前

            I’ve eaten a steak before, but I won’t slaughter a cow. People are complicated and inconsistent sometimes.

            • qarbone@lemmy.world
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              10 天前

              Fair enough.

    • kamenLady.@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      I’m beginning to realise that even stones may have higher standards for consent than most humans.

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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        10 天前

        For the sake of us all, I hope you’re wrong, but history being what it has been, I’m having trouble coming up with a counterargument.

    • frog_brawler@lemmy.world
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      9 天前

      That’s because vampires are fictional.

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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        9 天前

        You’re right, of course, but you should still see the comment about Bryan Johnson elsewhere in this thread, if you haven’t already.

        https://lemmy.world/comment/17214940

        • frog_brawler@lemmy.world
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          9 天前

          🙁

  • VolumetricShitCompressor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    10 天前

    How does the lore work? Does the vampire need to hear the right thing or does the person need to mean the right thing?

    • Kühlschrank@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      The whole thing is vampire propaganda to make the general population feel more safe

      • VolumetricShitCompressor@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        9 天前

        Big Blood is playing us for fools

    • samus12345@lemm.ee
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      10 天前

      If I were making the rules, intent would be what mattered.

      • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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        10 天前

        Otherwise vampires would be getting invited in because some word means “enter” or whatever in a different language.

        • Hupf@feddit.org
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          9 天前

          Mellon!

          • samus12345@lemm.ee
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            9 天前

            (WoW orc voice) “Speak, friend.”

  • conditional_soup@lemm.ee
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    10 天前

    Californians: “idk, he just kept asking and I kept saying, like, the beach? The coast? The seaside? Eventually he just stormed off in a huff, but, yeah, no, super weird guy. I still don’t know what he wanted.”

    Context: as long as I’ve been on the west coast, I’ve literally never heard anyone call it the shore.

    • frog_brawler@lemmy.world
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      9 天前

      Lived in FL for 28 years and the last time I heard it called the shore was in Ocean City, MD In 1997

      • SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee
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        9 天前

        Yea we call our side the Eastern Shore.

    • MrShankles@reddthat.com
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      9 天前

      Lmao, I was having the same thought. “Shore” wouldn’t have crossed my mind unless I’m talking about Gulf Shores. And that’s a beach town in my mind. Hell, I grew up close enough to Jersey and have lived near the Gulf of Mexico for over 20 years; “shore” just isn’t in my vocab like that

  • klemptor@startrek.website
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    10 天前

    Doesn’t matter if you let them in. Nothing stopping them from setting your house on fire and making you come out.

    • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
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      10 天前

      Vampires stopped existing when a wild hermit man once declared that the entire outside was their home.

    • Zron@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      Ah, the Harry Dresden Assassination technique

  • Tattorack@lemmy.world
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    9 天前

    Except it doesn’t work that way. It’s not about wordplay, but the esoteric power of being explicitly invited.

    • Stitch0815@feddit.org
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      9 天前

      But it does work that way because vamipres are made up and so are the rules

      • humorlessrepost@lemmy.world
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        9 天前

        Counterpoint: Buffy (the series, not the movie, not the comic) is the only true vampire canon, and everything else is fanfic, and older stuff is from future time travelers writing fanfic.

        • Stitch0815@feddit.org
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          8 天前

          Mhhh interesting point.

          I will take it into consideration :D

  • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world
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    10 天前

    Vampires are from Staten Island and Noo Yawk Citttttaaaaaay.

    • Maalus@lemmy.world
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      9 天前

      Tucson Arizonia

      • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world
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        9 天前

        No they’re just regular human bartenders there.

      • SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee
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        9 天前

        No Jackie Daytona is a normal human from Tucson Arizoniia you fool.

    • ℛ𝒶𝓋ℯ𝓃@pawb.social
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      10 天前

      A lot of us in NOLA, too! And Denver for some reason…

  • owl@infosec.pub
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    10 天前

    me: coast?
    vampire: Mhm -_- How would you pronouce the first three letters of “yesterday” may i come in?

    • BlueFootedPetey@sh.itjust.works
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      10 天前

      Well the first letter is pronounced like the word why. The next one, is like the second name of rapper easy e. Now that third letter, thats a real fun pronunciation. How familiar are you with the 18th president of the USA?

      • owl@infosec.pub
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        8 天前

        Not very, but his name was “Ulysses S. Grant” wasn’t it may I come in?

  • ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    10 天前

    The beach. Bitch.

    • Agent641@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      Coast

      • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world
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        10 天前

        Coast on inside? Don’t mind if i do!

  • IninewCrow@lemmy.ca
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    10 天前

    If vampires are sticking to a code of ethics and honour to enter your house than this wouldn’t work

    You are answering a question with an answer … not making a verbal contract

    You are making a statement … not giving permission

    • GreenKnight23@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      haha! yeah!

      like who doesn’t know what a sure is ᵐᵃʸ ᴵ ᶜᵒᵐᵉ ᶦⁿ?

      • HikingVet@lemmy.ca
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        10 天前

        Are you a cop? Because I don’t answer questions without legal representation…

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
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    10 天前

    I’m pretty sure the magic preventing a vampire from entering without permission would not be overcome so easily.

    • BlueFootedPetey@sh.itjust.works
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      10 天前

      Its not magic if its real.

  • Match!!@pawb.social
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    10 天前

    “A Beatles song, XXXterday.”

    Yes No

    • _stranger_@lemmy.world
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      10 天前

      Three characters you say.

      No!terday

  • toy_boat_toy_boat@lemmy.world
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    10 天前

    /c/wellthatsucks

  • BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee
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    10 天前

    a sphincter says what?

  • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
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    10 天前

    Wet sand

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