This is what we’re training LLMs on.
“AI,” what should I do about being constipated?
Painfully stretch your rectum to gaping in order to accommodate your constipation.
That is called impaction removal, and I have done that to people for fun and profit.
As a CNA? Your RNs were lazy. They shouldn’t allow CNAs to do digital disimpaction. In some places even RNs aren’t allowed to do it, only providers.
Edit: looked it up and it gets so dumb that some MDs will consult surgery to do a digital disimpaction in teaching hospitals, lol.
Eh, they were definitely lazy lol.
It wasn’t unusual though. I don’t think I ever saw an RN do one.
One nursing home had us doing foleys, and I’ve started IVs and other stuff that was absolutely not supposed to be done by CNAs.
Nuts. It’s something that really needs an order (standing or otherwise) in their charts nowadays because it’s considered invasive with a risk of vasovagal response which can lead to a code(for those with fragile cardiac status) and many RNs aren’t even trained to do it safely (but let’s be real, if you’re not sticking your hand up there you’re not going to cause a bowel perf). No shortage of lazy RNs in LTC though.
Amen to that. To be kinda fair, most ltc staff develop a sense of “fuck it” and either get lazy or quit entirely. It grinds people down, so the field ends up relying on new hires that are burnt out from other areas, which just completes the cycle
Your rectum stretches anyway. It’s actually kind of like a big stretchy poop bag. You’re thinking anus. -nurse
Be brave and reach in.
Hey Alexa, please examine my rectum
Can’t watch the video right now, but I watched the first few seconds on mute, and I think I get the jist.
Honestly, I would not be surprised if there is soon (or even already) a fancy ass smart toilet claiming to analyze your health via poops
It takes a twist that you wont see coming at all. It’s definitely worth a watch.
good, it beats the incompetent assholes that just tell you not to do things when you ask them how to do them just because they are harmful.
Don’t tell people not to do things. It’s harmful.
Thank god for that.
Imagine if LLM were made in Oxford in the 1950’s.
It be trained on the fucking Iliad and Shakespeare.
Thankfully it’s being trained on some real intellectual discourse like your rectum getting stretched out by rock hard shit instead of that garbage
Thou art wise as thou art beautiful
Shall I compare thee to an overstretched rectum? Thou art less loose and more temperate.
I doth say, that would verily be low-key lit
I mean, we’re only a few years away from some hemingway books being in the public domain. We could have had some LLMs trained on that.
Reddit certainly did have it’s moments, didn’t it?
I’ll always remember the kid who broke both his arms and his helpful mom.
Was that because of the same reminders over and over, every other thread?
I wouldn’t call that a forgettable kind of story. Sure I forget most of the details, but the main points would probably even survive Alzheimer’s.
At the end of my days
Laying in hospital bed
Wits gone
Turn to nurse as she walks in
“And the coconut had maggots in it…”
That’s something I certainly don’t miss.
Between that and Colby, you have the full spectrum of Reddit sexual encounters.
Or the cunnilingus jolly rancher
I prefer putting whores before descartes.
Strange. I prefer putting Descartes before the whores. They tend to have interesting insights into his ideas
Strange. I prefer putting Descartes before the whores. They tend to have interesting insights into his ideas
Impressive that he still managed to break his mom with two broken arms.
Honestly that is probably the least fucked up infamous Reddit story.
have its* moments
Ah, just like Reddit now!
Reddit was better when the community did actually enforce basic grammar.
lol u tk him 2da bar|?
I will arrest you
Uze ur fuziesct handcufts
Kinky.
The Kevin history was wild
Yeah Kevin is still one of the all time best to beat.
Also the lazy boat captain.
I was going to mention that one. I don’t think they were the captain though.
I never heard about that captain
Now you have.
yeah I sort of miss that … getting shittymorphed too was always a joy
He was here when the app shit show first happened
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve had moments of pure despair as I feel like one’s gonna tear me in half.
A real porcelain shatterer.
I ended up occasionally chugging about half a liter of water before going, because this started happening.
That seems to actually do something very useful when I think I’ve not had enough water prior, but I don’t actually know the details of how the body moves and uses that water. It intuitively feels like 2-3 minutes should be too short of a time-span to start doing useful work, but it still seems to work.
In general not using piddly little 0.2l glasses and instead keeping a large glass or bottle with me isn’t just helpful, it’s vitally important. I simply can’t get by occasionally drinking small glasses of water. Other than the first day I’d resolve to start drinking more water again, I never went to fill them up enough times to actually get sufficient hydration for my size.
Additionally, I’ve learnt to feel my hydration on my lips, if they’re dry I need a drink. But I am an unreliable, irrational actor. I don’t always pay enough attention, or stay on top of things even if I notice, so I’m likely to resort to desperately chugging water again.
Chiming behind the lemming who said the water a few minutes prior going won’t do anything. It certainly won’t do absolutely anything no matter how much you drink. Once the bowel absorbs the water, adding more water to your body won’t restore moisture to the stool.
What probably happened in your case is simply peristaltic movement, some people are more sensitive to it. So chugging a generous amount of water stimulates your gut tissues and encourages things to get moving along.
Going back to the water - of course if you stay hydrated and keep things hydrated it will help. But you cannot rehydrate a stool just by drinking.
the water a few minutes prior going won’t do anything.
That depends entirely on which end you put the water in
Ahaaa very true. Thanks for pointing that out
The way I understand it is that your colon will work harder to reclaim water if you’re dehydrated, so staying hydrated will help keep stool softer overall. That said, rehydrating while constipated (or immediately before a bowel movement) won’t make a real difference since the water has already been absorbed from the stool and it can’t add it back.
I would imagine your drinking lots of water before, if you do it consistently, is probably just contributing to your overall hydration which makes it easier next time.
Just eat a handful of sugar-free gummy bears every morning before you leave for work and it will be so super easy to poop and clockwork regular.
I think if you’re going to take a daily laxative you should just get an actual laxative.
“Actual”? Sugar-free Gummy bears are legit laxatives and they are adorable gelatinous bears that come in fun colors with great flavors.
Calm down, Haribo sales rep.
After holding in a shit for a couple hours yeah. Literally shitting bricks at that point.
Hours…?
You may want to see a specialist about that, my guy…
Other way around bud, most of us aren’t here shitting our pants just because a bathroom isn’t around.
No; I mean if it becomes that much pressure after that little time, I’m not sure that’s super normal.
Did you not read it is jot pressure just drying out so much it hardens.
Why would I do that? I had to hold it in because there was no toilet around for a couple hours.
Were there any sinks?
No bathrooms or the like.
It’s like a fuckin’ howitzer when it reaches the release point, for real
A sound like from a gun, followed by the shattering of porcelain.
Me too, once held too long when i was busy and kept hitting the ‘snooze button’ on going all day long, end of the day i dropped something that resembled a hand grenade, with the little square-ish ridges and everything. The pain, the relief, the lasting butthole tenderness afterwards.
This lady claims to be an expert but doesn’t even mention the poop knife?!
The poop knife is irrelevant until and unless one plans to flush, which this question did not ask.
Also, why do you assume the nurse is a lady?
“gaping rectum” is distinctly ladylike, no?
Why is every comment after this removed?
I think it turned into some amount of shit slinging that stopped being relevant to the shit at hand. I’m guessing mods decided to close that sphincter before the verbal diarrhea overflowed the rim of the post ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Poop canon confirmed.
I edged to this
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Somebody should write a small book about this. You could put it in the bathroom and read it while taking a shit.
For those of us that pooped before smart phones, there was a book series called Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader. I could totally see them have a section dedicated to this.
- Lather
- Rinse
- Repeat.
“The Art of Defecation - How to turn your anatomy into a brown (f)art factory”
It could have an entire chapter just on fiber maxing:
https://i.imgur.com/zmtuVg1.png
Another could be on shit polishing with the mythbusters method.
The Fart of the Deal
Would assuredly be a step up in quality
What the fuck did I just read? Couldn’t stop laughing, but still, wtf
I once held a shit in for a week. Literally 7 days. I was in the hospital and forbidden from using the toilet and using the portable bag toilet in the room with 6 others was not gonna happen so I held it in. Nurses gave me laxatives because they were concerned but I beat them too.
After finally being allowed on the toilet, I basically filled the bowl to the top and clogged the toilet. Yes, it hurt. I now know why and I’m never doing it again.
My friend poops once a week. He claims he told his doctor and they said it’s “on the edge of normal.” It freaks me out though. I’d feel so bloated all the time.
Maybe that no poop challenge guy has tips for next time.
There’s nothing about that paragraph I didn’t like!
I think the question OP didn’t want to ask was, “does all of this dick in my ass affect my poops?”
That’s nice, dear.
the bowel is wider than your asshole
imagining a nurse using the word “asshole” to explain it to a regular person is just hilarious to me.
My mom had to get a colostomy last year after her bowel ruptured, and she spent a month in ICU recovering from sepsis. The nurse there, when she was finally awake, tried explaining everything to her, but she had some pretty severe ICU delirium, and just couldn’t comprehend everything she was saying, especially when she was using medical terms.
Eventually, the nurse said, “girl, basically, you don’t need your bootyhole no more. That’s now just for your husband and lonely weekends”
At which point she fully understood, and I died inside.
TIL my butthole is a PlayDo’h Fun Factory…
Taking a shit while I read this. Also,
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We have finally found The Forbidden Knowledge
I never realized that this process is basically a biological cold extrusion.
That’s because it isn’t. As was just explained, the shape is pretty much set before the “extrusion die” sphincter comes into play.
What are you talking about? The asshole works as a die. Extrusion is about deforming the object, it doesn’t have to change its general “shape”. If there is plastic deformation, which there is as stated(unless you hold it in unhealthily long), then it counts. You extrude a cylinder with a big cross section to one with a smaller cross section.
Damn engineers
Putting the Shit in ShittyLifeProTips.
